Anyone Else Enjoy The Rapture?

Like everyone else, I spent my Saturday night huddled in the corner of my room, waiting for the onslaught of biblical fire. Coincidentally, a storm rolled over my house and every sound sent shivers through my skin. Is it happening? Is the Rapture here? What about Australia? Has anyone heard from Australia!?

But I awoke the next morning. I’m alive, I thought. I’m alive and the Rapture has already happened. I looked out my window and saw no one. Nothing was moving, not even cars on the road. Oh no, I’m the only one left. It calls upon me to fight off the hoards of roaming radioactive zombies. I scrambled to my computer, eager to find more survivors.

But there were no survivors, because there was no Rapture. No fire, no brimstone, no floods, no wailing of thousands as their souls were reclaimed by some fictional ghost in the sky  nothing.

Nothing had happened.

Well, not nothing, actually: Harold Camping, the man who spent over $140,000 putting stupid billboards up all over the world, was in a really, really awkward position.

If a billboard says it, it has to be true.

Here’s a photo of Harold Camping at the center of Time Square, waiting for the Rapture to happen:

Harold Camping raptureHe’s seriously looking at his watch, like the Rapture is a bus he has to catch downtown. What the hell was this guy thinking? Or, more importantly, what is he thinking now that the Rapture has passed?

I do not understand why said Camping when he realized the Rapture wasn’t coming. I do not understand why nothing has happened.

I know, right? How could it be that your fictionalized view of the world didn’t come true? Especially after you had previously made a failed prediction that Jesus Christ would return to Earth in 1994.

But what about the Family Radio website the one owned by Harold Camping the one that was claiming the world was ending on May 21, 2011? Oh, that’s right, they hastily redesigned their website, causing it to look even more like the 1990s.

Harold Camping rapture
Top, before; bottom, after.

Okay, let’s lay off Camping and his idiocy for a minute and turn to some other Rapture believers who are also in an awkward position:

Some 80 South Africans checked into a hotel in Johannesburg, South Africa, on May 20th, 2011. They had been traveling the country, spreading word about the oncoming Rapture. Since they firmly believed the Rapture was coming, they assumed they would not have to pay a bill for their stay in the hotel. So, they partied the nights away and tallied up a bill worth a couple thousand dollars.

Unfortunately, the Rapture didn’t happen, and now they are stuck with a very, very expensive bill.

You know, Camping and the 80 South Africans may be wondering why the Rapture didn’t happen, but I think we all know the real truth:

Macho Man
Even in death, Macho Man Randy Savage is still playing the hero.



One thought on “Anyone Else Enjoy The Rapture?”

  1. Well Said. As a web designer I especially like the part about the website. And as of yet, no one has heard from Australia.

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