The End of Times: Goodbye Zombie Appreciation Month

Before we say our so longs to the sorrowful month of May, we have one day to finalize our zombie lust. I have searched, I have scoured, and I have rummaged through the Internet garbage to bring you some jewels of undead enjoyment. From a zombie beach party to a rudimentary anti-zombie blade-throwing slingshot, here is the last and final day of Zombie Appreciation Month:

Countless individuals have dedicated their lives to creating gruesome machines of death and destruction, but something about this next invention screams accidental decapitation. The video is titled Shooting Circular Sawblades With The Slingshot, and it is absolutely full of amazing. (Skip to 2:20 to see the damage it can cause to a watermelon.)

If you are wondering why this is part of the final goodbyes of Zombie Appreciation Month, let me reiterate the name of the video: Shooting Circular Sawblades With The Slingshot. It is “The Slingshot,” not “A Slingshot.” This is something he is proud of creating, proud of showing off, and proud of wielding like a watermelon mass murderer. When the bullets run out, this guy is fully prepared to launch sawblades into the decaying flesh of the undead. (For the Half-Life fans out there, this guy went to Ravenholm, conquered it, and came back to ready the world.)

However, I thought about something while watching this video: what happens if the slingshot backfires, like the melon incident from the Amazing Race.

(Side Note: I love how the blond lady is initially too stunned to do anything. Did that melon just ruin that lady’s face? Yes, yes it did, and it was hilarious to watch in both slow-mo and regular speed.)

Anyway, let’s move away from homemade death machines and toward a lighter, more joyfully undead time.

On May 28th, Asbury Park, New Jersey, held the first ever zombie beach party, equipped with zombie costumes, games, and make-up. Attending individuals walked up and down the Asbury Boardwalk during the Memorial Day weekend celebrations. If someone arrived at the party without the proper zombie make-up, professional make-up artists were on site to work their zombifying magic. Here are some pictures from the event:

zombie beach party

zombie beach party

zombie beach party

zombie beach party

Zombie Art

Are you getting sick of the zombie genre yet? I hope not, because Zombie Appreciation Month still has four more days left. Today, we are looking at how the zombie infection has spread into the artistic world, causing our modern art to look more post-apocalyptic and ghoulish. Love it or hate it, here’s some zombie art:

So you’ve barricaded the doors, boarded up the windows, and told your family how much you love them, yet the zombies continue to push against your external defenses. Some might give up and tell the world to go screw itself. Others might stand and fight. For those that hope to one day defend their families from a zombie horde, while currently maintaining a positive sense of interior design, I present the Woodsman Axe Coffee Table:

zombie art

The Oak table is perfect for boarding up a doorway, while the axes can quickly turn your family into a killing machine. Be sure not to trip and fall anywhere near this thing though. It may be ideal for holding your coffee, but it’s also ideal for maiming an arm or two.

Next we have “The Flight of the Zombicorn – a piece that combines undeath, unicorns, rainbows, and gore. It’s every little girl’s nightmare!

According to the artist’s website, he worked on one rainbow color per day, due to drying and taping restrictions. This delayed process helped to lend toward the straightness of the lines. If I had some money to blow on a piece of art, I would love to have this puppy hanging on a wall in my apartment. Unfortunately, the painting has already been claimed by some other zombie connoisseur.

Rather than create an original piece of art, some individuals enjoy altering preexisting paintings. Basically, these individuals scour thrift stores for really, really cheap pieces of art. They buy it up, take it home, and make modifications. Some add krakens, some take away buildings, but others add zombies to old Victorian landscapes:

zombie art

The artist of this piece sold it for $75, plus $25 for shipping. Honestly, if I was even a halfway decent artist, I would do the same thing. Keep them, sell them as Halloween props, whatever, just imagine the money to be made!

Prophecy: Zombie 2011

Have you spent hours dreaming about the zombie apocalypse? Do you have a plan ready for when the swarm comes knocking on your door? Wish and plan and dream no more, because Prophecy: Zombie 2011 gives you a chance to live out a simulated zombie apocalypse. Bring your friends, pack up some zombie costumes, and enjoy a weekend of fighting off the undead.

Here’s how it works:

Prophecy: Zombie 2011 is a monstrous gathering of individuals who wish to play a game yes, a game that simulates a realistic zombie apocalypse. But they don’t play a video game or a board game. They play as themselves. This kind of game is known as Live Action Roleplying, or LARPing, and everyone involved is a player. Some play as the zombies, but others play as the survivors. Each player has a personality, desires, motives, skills, and much more, which they are to use to survive for as long as possible. Given that the event takes place over two days, you will have more than enough time to get your fill of zombie apocalypse action.

To give you a quick visualization of what LARPing is like, here’s the LARPing scene from the movie Role Models:

Of course, instead of a quick Medieval battle, Prophecy: Zombie 2011 challenges you to survive for two days. You will be hunted, you will be forced to flee during the night, and you will feel absolute fear. This is not your grandmother’s game of shuffleboard this is a truly horrifying, and absolutely entertaining, experience.

From the Prophecy: Zombie 2011 website: Prophecy: Zombie 2011 is a game designed to get you right into the action and hopefully keep you on your toes throughout the event. In this game, a character’s death is permanent. If your character dies, you are welcome to come cast for us. If your character becomes infected and turns into a zombie, you’re pretty much drafted into the hordes of flesh-eating undead.

If you are still not convinced that this could be an amazing experience, here’s a video of a zombie apocalypse LARP session (Not associated with Prophecy: Zombie 2011):

Anyone Else Enjoy The Rapture?

Like everyone else, I spent my Saturday night huddled in the corner of my room, waiting for the onslaught of biblical fire. Coincidentally, a storm rolled over my house and every sound sent shivers through my skin. Is it happening? Is the Rapture here? What about Australia? Has anyone heard from Australia!?

But I awoke the next morning. I’m alive, I thought. I’m alive and the Rapture has already happened. I looked out my window and saw no one. Nothing was moving, not even cars on the road. Oh no, I’m the only one left. It calls upon me to fight off the hoards of roaming radioactive zombies. I scrambled to my computer, eager to find more survivors.

But there were no survivors, because there was no Rapture. No fire, no brimstone, no floods, no wailing of thousands as their souls were reclaimed by some fictional ghost in the sky  nothing.

Nothing had happened.

Well, not nothing, actually: Harold Camping, the man who spent over $140,000 putting stupid billboards up all over the world, was in a really, really awkward position.

If a billboard says it, it has to be true.

Here’s a photo of Harold Camping at the center of Time Square, waiting for the Rapture to happen:

Harold Camping raptureHe’s seriously looking at his watch, like the Rapture is a bus he has to catch downtown. What the hell was this guy thinking? Or, more importantly, what is he thinking now that the Rapture has passed?

I do not understand why said Camping when he realized the Rapture wasn’t coming. I do not understand why nothing has happened.

I know, right? How could it be that your fictionalized view of the world didn’t come true? Especially after you had previously made a failed prediction that Jesus Christ would return to Earth in 1994.

But what about the Family Radio website the one owned by Harold Camping the one that was claiming the world was ending on May 21, 2011? Oh, that’s right, they hastily redesigned their website, causing it to look even more like the 1990s.

Harold Camping rapture
Top, before; bottom, after.

Okay, let’s lay off Camping and his idiocy for a minute and turn to some other Rapture believers who are also in an awkward position:

Some 80 South Africans checked into a hotel in Johannesburg, South Africa, on May 20th, 2011. They had been traveling the country, spreading word about the oncoming Rapture. Since they firmly believed the Rapture was coming, they assumed they would not have to pay a bill for their stay in the hotel. So, they partied the nights away and tallied up a bill worth a couple thousand dollars.

Unfortunately, the Rapture didn’t happen, and now they are stuck with a very, very expensive bill.

You know, Camping and the 80 South Africans may be wondering why the Rapture didn’t happen, but I think we all know the real truth:

Macho Man
Even in death, Macho Man Randy Savage is still playing the hero.

The CDC Warns Public of Zombie Apocalypse

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or CDC, are now trying to help prepare people for the ensuing zombie apocalypse. (Finally, the government is taking this whole zombie crisis seriously!)

There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for, says the CDC’s official website. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.

cdc zombie apocalypse

Wait, if the government is publicly informing the masses about realistic zombie apocalypse prevention, does that mean they know something we don’t? Oh my, oh geez, I’ve read about those 2011 theories, and I knew the zombie apocalypse was involved. I think I’m panicking! Yup, I’m seriously panicking over here. CDC, you better start telling me what to do, or I might freak the frig out.

We’ve all seen at least one movie about flesh-eating zombies taking over…, but where do zombies come from and why do they love eating brains so much? The word zombie comes from Haitian and New Orleans voodoo origins. Although its meaning has changed slightly over the years, it refers to a human corpse mysteriously reanimated to serve the undead. Through ancient voodoo and folk-lore traditions, shows like the Walking Dead were born.

What? I already know all about how zombies come about, why they love brains, why zombie costumes are so popular, and why the show The Walking Dead was born. Fast-forward to the good stuff. I want to know about what I’m supposed to do! You’re not helping me quell my anxiety, CDC.

So what do you need to do before zombies or hurricanes or pandemics for example, actually happen? First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house. This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored).

Wait a minute…hurricanes? Pandemics? What the hell does any of this have to do with a zombie apocalypse? Whatever, let’s see what you want me to include in my anti-zombie kit. I know it’s going to be something amazing, like nukes, guns, cybernetics, and all sorts of explosives, right?

cdc zombie apocalypse
The boombox helps drown out the sorrows of your children. Definitely a vital part of any anti-zombie kit.

  • Water (1 gallon per person per day)
  • Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
  • Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
  • Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
  • Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
  • Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
  • Important documents (copies of your drivers license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
  • First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane.)

A utility knife? What the hell am I going to do with a utility knife during a zombie apocalypse? Whittle something for the zombies? Oh, oh wait! You mean we should rely on nature for our anti-zombie weaponry, like wooden spears and all sorts of Rambo style traps. That makes so much more sense than stupid old guns and explosives. CDC, you’re an anti-zombie genius.

But what about my friends and family? Should I leave them behind, in fear that they may turn undead and consume me while I sleep?

cdc zombie apocaylpse
Yeah, meeting near the mailbox outside of your glass front door is totally not going to get you killed. Totally.

Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.

Okay…you’re back to the hurricanes thing. Is this really a statement about a zombie apocalypse, or are you simply riding the undead genre to inform people about really useful information? Because I don’t care for useful information not one bit. Zombies, fictional scenarios, that’s what I’m here for, and that’s what I want to know about.

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). Its likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas.

cdc zombie apocalypse
Which apocalypse are we talking about now? Hurricane or zombie?

Now I’m all kinds of confused. This whole thing has been a ploy to get me to read information about hurricanes and other realistic disasters, but now you’re claiming to actually be prepared for a zombie apocalypse. Look, CDC, I can tell you right now, with those items included in your anti-zombie kit, you are far from prepared. You need bullets, guns, explosives, turrets, crowbars, grenades, tanks, nukes, and dragons. Zombies don’t give a flying flip if you’re carrying around bleach and a copy of your passport.


Keith Thompson: Morbid Artist

Keith Thompson is a freelance artist whose work spans magazines, films, television shows, books, and videogames. To say that he is a talented artist would not do his artistic skill justice. Keith Thompson specializes in designing morbid creatures, twisted characters, and highly detailed undead monsters. Since we are still celebrating Zombie Appreciation Month, we will be focusing on the Undead section of Thompson’s work. If you wish to see other sections, click here to see Keith Thompson’s full website.

keith thompson

Every one of his drawings, illustrations, and pieces of art seem to have walked straight out of an absolutely horrible nightmare. They are sickening, they are intriguing, and they are beyond creative otherworldly would be the most appropriate term.

keith thompson

In addition to the creative artwork, Thompson’s website accompanies each picture with a blurb about the specific creature. For example, here is the description and picture of a Pripyat Beast:

When the secondary explosion occurred at the reactor, spewing an almost immeasurable torrent of radioactivity into the jet stream, surrounding locales could only survive long enough to form mass graves for their dead. The under supplied, unprotected and ultimately doomed clean up crews sent their overseeing emergency committee a flurry of distress signals and sporadic reports of beasts emerging from the piles of bodies on the outskirts of towns. These beasts were said to vary dramatically, and appeared to be sickening amalgamations of people and livestock.

keith thompson

While the photos alone are visually appealing, the introduction of these blubs adds a second level of detail. Now we have a back-story for each creature, which conveys a deeper feeling of dread and horror. It allows us to imagine what it was like for someone to succumb to undeath, or be mauled by one of these terrifying undead monstrosities.

keith thompson

For those who absolutely adore this kind of art, you can purchase prints of Thompson’s work on his website. Tack them to your walls, put them in creepy locations, or use them as Halloween decorations. Whatever you do, do not hang them over your bed.

The Moscow Zombie Parade

moscow zombie parade

On May 13th, countless individuals swarmed the streets of Moscow, moaning and chanting, searching for the closest source of edible brains. Known as the Moscow Zombie Parade, the event took place on Arbat street, located somewhere in Moscow. (I’ve never been to Moscow, but the pictures make it look like a popular downtown shopping strip perfect for a sudden zombie flashmob.)

As evident by the pictures, everyone dressed in their best zombie costumes, drenched themselves in blood, and had a ghoulishly fun time. From undead nuns to soup-offering zombie cooks, the costumes were highly detailed, morbidly creative, and extremely sickening.

Unfortunately, somewhere near the end of the parade the zombies were raided by the police. Some 30 zombies were dragged off for holding an unauthorized meeting. They most likely were dissected and torn apart, studied for the inevitable outbreak that most certainly will occur from such a gathering of zombies. May their undead souls rest in peace.

Some day I hope to hear about an outstanding American zombie flashmob, yet Paris and Moscow have us beat so far. Come on, America, I know you love zombies! Show your undead love and start shuffling the streets!

moscow zombie parade

moscow zombie parade

moscow zombie parade

moscow zombie parade

moscow zombie parade
In Mother Russia, police tear apart zombie!

Angels Fans Break Guinness World Record for Costume Masks

On May 10th, 2011, roughly 25,000 Angels fans broke the Guinness World Record for most costume masks worn at one gathering. The previous record of 250 masks was blown away, and this new record is going to be one hell of a challenge to break.

angels guinness masks
Angels fans wearing masks for the Guinness record.

The Angels have always been a gimmicky team, with their thundersticks and Rally Monkey, but this definitely tops the charts. The event was planned by John Rozak, a marketing associate for the Angels, who hired teams to hand out costume masks to attendants entering Angels Stadium. Somewhere around the fifth inning there was a countdown to a 10-minute period of time when the masks would be worn and the record would be officially recorded. Coincidentally, the 10-minute period occurred as Howard Kendrick hit a double, leading the Angels 6-1 over the White Sox.

If the score wasn’t bad enough for White Sox moral, the sight of 25,000 Angels fans wearing the same costume masks must have been horrifying. Better luck next time, White Sox?

The costume masks section is relatively new to the Guinness World Records. When asked about it, Amanda Mochan of Guinness said, As long as something is measurable, breakable, and interesting, then we’re definitely open to taking a look at it. And this [event] fits all of those criteria.

A brief look at the official Guinness World Records website brought me to this interesting record: Gerold Weschenmoser of Germany owns more than 5,385 different masks, as of March 2010. He has been collecting costume masks since 1957. If anyone plans on breaking that record, they better start stocking up on costume masks, because you have a long way to go.

Happy Zombie Appreciation Month!

While we’re already eleven days into the month of May, we are not too late to start enjoying this month’s dedication: zombies. May is Zombie Appreciation Month (Google it, if you want to check), and I have all of the juicy information you need to properly celebrate your ghoulish love for the undead.

  • Zombie Blood

No Zombie Appreciation Month is complete without a bit of Zombie Blood. While the green, oozing liquid may seem disgusting, it actually contains enough energy to keep your running just faster than the person next to you.

Zombie Appreciation Month

  • Zombie Jerky

Produced by the same company that makes Zombie Blood, Zombie Jerky offers you a nutritious undead snack. Instead of hunting down your own Zombies, skinning them, and drying out their flesh, now you can get it all in one easy package.

Zombie Appreciation Month

  • Twinkies

If Woody Harrelson in Zombieland taught the world anything, it is that Twinkies are to be the world’s last delicatessen. No matter the amount of zombies, no matter the social degradation, Twinkies will remain, and they will continue to remain. In fact, I don’t think people make Twinkies anymore. They procreate through budding.

zombie appreciation month

  • Zombie Entertainment

You cannot appreciate Zombie Appreciation Month without the proper form of entertainment. Me? I’m reliving the zombie love of my childhood:

Zombie Appreciation Month
Every day without my Super Nintendo is a sad day.

There are also countless shows, movies, and comic books set in the undead world. My personal favorites are The Walking Dead series (Read the comic first, then watch the show), Shawn of the Dead, and 28 Days Later. Turn the lights off, then watch or read them alone.

  • Zombie Costumes

Come on, it’s Zombie Appreciation Month there is absolutely no better excuse to put on a zombie costume and go shuffling the streets of your neighborhood. Since we stock every kind of zombie you could imagine, you can find your perfect undead match. And I do mean every kind of zombie you could imagine. For example, here’s an undead sushi chef. Yeah, go ahead and try to top that one.

Katy Perry, The Devil, and Religion

Sure, our Lady Gaga costumes will have you dancing the night away with your own Judas, but let’s take a minute to look at the other Pop Goddess out there: Katy Perry.

TLDR (Too long; didn’t read):

  • Katie Perry had a religious childhood.
  • Her mother forbade saying anything with the word “devil” in the phrase.
  • She believes she is an artichoke and tastes like melted butter.
  • Her music is infectious.
  • And she wants her ashes shot out of a firework.

Love her or hate her, Perry’s music infects the sound waves at such a frequency that I can’t even drive two miles without hearing her yell about fireworks or alien love affairs. But amidst all of her desires to kiss women, dream of teenagers, and live the Californian gurls lifestyle lies a religious background quite contradictory to her lyrical themes.

In an interview with Vanity Fair, Perry said, My career is like an artichoke. People might think that the leaves are tasty and buttered up and delicious, and they don’t even know that they’re something magical hidden at the base of it. There’s a whole other side [of me] that people didn’t know existed.

While the statement may seem awkward and meaningless, Perry seems to be implying that there is more to her than the musical promotion of a gluttonous, whimsical lifestyle. She has a core of values that have helped shape who she has become, which now seeps deep into her music. Or, maybe she believes she really is as awkward as an artichoke, as delicious as melted butter, with a hidden core of magic lying deep within her. Who knows?

Kary Perry devil
Nope, no artichoke awkwardness here.

I didn’t have a childhood, she said, claiming that her mother never let her read books other than the Bible. She was also not allowed to say deviled eggs or Dirt Devil vacuums, because of the implied evil inherit in the word devil. She was also forbid from owning secular music, so she had to sneak CDs from friends. This led her down a path of strong, slightly overbearing Christian values, which may explain for her explosive, in-your-face musical tones.

I think sometimes when children grow up, their parents grow up. Mine grew up with me. We coexist. I don’t try to change them anymore, and I don’t think they try to change me. We agree to disagree. They’re excited about [my success]. They’re happy that things are going well for their three children and that they’re not on drugs. Or in prison.

As someone who has gone astray from my parents’ upbringing, I can relate to Katy’s openness about her family. It is a strange and mystical feeling to grow up and away from those that raised you, even when you have no idea whether it is right or wrong. For Katy Perry, and for countless others out there, it has been the right decision.

Final Note: Katy Perry has openly stated that she wants her ashes shot out of a firework over the Santa Barbara coast. Maybe this has been the true meaning to Firework the whole time? I know if I was dead, I’d feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again.