The Safe House, Combining Elegance and Zombie Security

Anyone who has seen Dawn of the Dead has at some point discussed the idea of a zombie-proof house. Normally, the debates end in both parties agreeing that you would need a ton of money and enough time to build the house before the apocalypse occurs. Well, someone has actually followed through on that idea and created a marvelous piece of zombie-proof architecture, named the Safe House.

KWK Promes, a Polish architectural design company, has gone and created the world’s first zombie-proof house. Equipped with moving walls, a shifting security perimeter, a retractable drawbridge entrance, and a safety/loading zone, this house is guaranteed to withstand the relentless assault of any number of zombies.

safety house
That’s the pool room on the left.

Typically, the house is left ‘open’ during the day, revealing the windows and the internal rooms. In addition, the shifted walls that were once covering the first floor areas then create an external area of safety. When you want to lock down the house, you simply shift the walls again.

safety house
The drawbridge leads to the safety/loading zone.

When the walls are ‘closed,’ there is no way of getting into the house. This is a completely sealed, encapsulated structure that leaves no chances for anyone or any thing to get inside. Zombies, crazies, abominations, you name it and it stands no chance of consuming the occupants inside.

safety house

The only entrance into the house is through a retractable drawbridge on the second floor. Individuals hoping to get inside must wait at a loading area (seen in the second picture) for the drawbridge to descend. Once the people are inside the house, the drawbridge can be lifted back into place, sealing the house once more.

safety house

As long as the occupants have food, which I assume they have more than enough since they went through all the trouble of building this house, they will be kept safe and sound within their impenetrable fortress. Come zombie apocalypse or utter social deterioration, this house is in for the long haul.

safety house

The most essential item for our clients was acquiring the feeling of maximum security, says the KWK Promes website. With a house like this, who couldn’t feel absolutely secure?

Jonathon Sharkey The Potential 2012 Vampiric President

Our love of vampire costumes has brought you the Vampire Woman, Twilight Baby Names, and Porphyria, but now I would like to present you with something so unrealistic that you simply have to read along to believe it.

Jonathon Sharkey, who has the coolest last name I have ever heard of, has already filed the necessary paperwork to run for President as a Republican in 2012. That’s not so much of a big deal though, right? People do that all of the time. But Jonathon Sharkey is no normal potential Republican presidential candidate Jonathon Sharkey is a sanguinary vampyre and a Satanist.

Here’s a video of ABC News covering Sharkey’s running in the next campaign. (Skip to 0:50 to see him.)

Sharkey has gone on the record to state that he drinks the blood of his girlfriends and mistresses twice a week. (How this man has more than one woman willingly offering him their blood, I will never know.) He never drinks the blood of men though, only women. Women are beautiful, he said to MSNBC. And they have beautiful necks and beautiful arms. While I agree that women are beautiful, I have yet to find myself craving a woman’s blood.

But let’s look at his political beliefs:

“I won’t be bullied, I won’t be blackmailed. Criminals and terrorists will fear me along with corrupt law enforcement officials. I will not tolerate crime or terrorism.”

Tough words, but what about the really tough criminals? Let’s go back to Sharkey:

“Certain criminals, instead of being put in jail, they should be brutally tortured and impaled. Upon them being found guilty of their crimes I’ll beat them, torture them, dismember them and decapitate them.”

Sharkey openly states that has turned against God, and here is why: I will not worship a god who causes the deaths of innocent children. I will not worship a god who allowed his only son to be used as a human sacrifice on the cross for what they believe the sins of the world and while his dying would turn around forsake him on the cross. Obviously these are very powerful words coming from a man who clearly has very powerful beliefs. The only question that remains is, could this man become the next president?

When asked if he believes he stands a chance of being elected, he said, Yes, I have a chance of winning. People like Sarah Palin are making it quite easy to pull off.

So, we can point all fingers at Sarah Palin for the possibility of the first vampiric Republican presidential candidate. Honestly, that may be the first time Sarah Palin’s existence has made me smile. Thank you, Palin, and may you never reenter the political limelight again.

Anyway, I just have one last thing to say before we conclude this pleasant article: Swimmers in this year’s political waters better be careful….because it’s getting Sharkey.

Zombie Jesus

With the passing of Easter last weekend the Internet exploded in talk of Zombie Jesus and his return to the world of the living. Unlike our Jesus costume, Zombie Jesus is far from holy, heavenly, and helpful. If you have never heard of Zombie Jesus, here’s a quick rundown on him:

After being crucified, Jesus rose from the dead and returned to the world of the living, which sounds extremely similar to the scenario of a zombie. This caused some individuals to create an alternate history revolving around Jesus, one where he returned as a zombie and began to infect his followers. There are pictures, countless logs of lore, and loads of jokes revolving around the concept of Zombie Jesus. Some have even gone so far as to rename Easter as Zombie Jesus Day.

zombie JC
This is the Zombie JC.

Zombie Jesus has a Facebook profile with over 20,000 followers. There is also an independent horror film titled Zombie Jesus! which has won three awards (Best Film, Best Actor, Best Short). Some artists have even created online comics involving the joke of Zombie Jesus, such as Cyanide and Happiness.

Depending on your view, you may find this offensive or absolutely hilarious. Personally, someone shedding a bit of humor into the world of religion is far from a bad thing. In fact, for the generation growing up now, it may be the best thing. Too many individuals take religion too seriously, wielding it like a weapon and the Bible as a shield. With Zombie Jesus though, you get to have a quick laugh and then go back to whatever you were doing. Plus zombies are have infected every other genre so far, why should religion be immune to its disease?

While most of the Zombie Jesus jokes are lighthearted and generally humorous, some can take it quite too far. For example, among the piles of pictures floating around online, I stumbled across the one posted below, which borders on the line of acceptable and putrid. Feel free to comment your own opinions on it, if you can stomach it long enough to form an opinion.

zombie jesus

Case of the Mondays? You need a high dose of laughter.

Welcome back, Monday, how soon of you to return. It only seems like yesterday that I was partying with Friday and hungover on the couch with Saturday. But you’re here for the whole day and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Rather than fight the stress and anxiety of life, how about we laugh it off today?

Last week we briefly discussed the ridiculousness of some mascot costumes. If you think Scrotie has a tough life, let’s look at some other mascots who have had some rough rides throughout their career. This first one really shows that one simply misstep in life can lead to a world of pain. If only his large, maroon, smiling friend had got to him in time.

But sometimes life just isn’t fair. You’re standing around, enjoying your life as a mascot, swinging your arms and loving it up, and then reality comes crashing down upon you.

Of course, we can learn from of strange costumed friends. When you feel like you simply cannot get up, maybe you just need some help from a friend.

Remember, life gets hard and tough at times, but you need only to take a minute to laugh it off. Get a mirror and take some time to make some stupid faces. You never know exactly how much fun you may have. Just look at this next video, for example, and tell me that does not look like fun. I know it brings me to tears just watching it.

As a parting note, whether you are mascot, accountant, or a parent, there is nothing better than taking the time to appreciate the simple things in life. Maybe it’s a quick laugh that helps you get through a Monday, a nice lunch outside in the sun, or a simple compliment from a coworker. Whatever helps you get through the day, cherish it and try to enjoy it. Life is too short for being angry, stressed, or frustrated.

Laughter helps make life easier.

Scrotie, The RISD Mascot

Mascot costumes, those awkward traditions of sporting events, schools, and intramural competitions, are often built in a traditional, tasteful manner. Rams, lions, dragons, bears – oh my! – these are the kind of creatures that run headlong onto the field, cheering and pumping fists into the air, trying to send the crowd into an ecstatic orgy of support for their respective teams. The sheer awkwardness of most mascot costumes makes it a difficult job, but for some reason it is a necessary one. However, rather than follow the conservative route for their mascots costume, the Rhode Island School of Design (RISD) opted instead to design a uniquely artistic mascot: Scrotie, the superhero penis-man.

The original Scrotie costume.

Architect lines the streets, fixies cruise along the sidewalks, and everyone seems to have walked right out of a fashion show. This is the life around the RISD campus. RISD is one of the most artistically-driven colleges in the country, and every one of its majors focus on the liberal arts. From pottery to painting, illustration to industrial design, everything drives students closer to their creative nirvana. Yet, even amongst the demanding pressures of creativity, the men within the school have found time to form two highly competitive hockey and basketball teams, respectively named The Nads and The Balls. Scrotie is the mascot for both teams.

Created in 2001, Scrotie is officially the schools unofficial mascot. He appears at games, leads the crowd in cheers (Go Nads for the Nads, When the heat is one, the balls stick together for the Balls), and generally causes a large amount of social disturbances. Some onlookers laugh, some are shocked, and some find it absolutely offensive, but the school has shown no urge to drive the mascot away. On the contrary, Scrotie has been invited to numerous Freshman orientations, along with undergoing a recent visual overhaul.

The new Scrotie.

With nearly 70% of the schools population belonging to the female gender, its confusing as to why the school is so tolerant of a giant penis costume as its mascot. But numerous women have had their hand in creating the new visual representation of Scrotie, most likely using their firsthand experience with the male counterpart. The new Scrotie comes equipped with blue balls, engorged veins, hair, and a skin color that leaves it indistinguishable from one race to another, making Scrotie much more ethnic friendly. Quite honestly, Freud would have had a field day with this scenario: women cheering on the arrival of a masked penis-man superhero, who jumps and pumps his hands into the air, with a throbbing smile on his face.

Some of the student body has voiced that the new Scrotie has gone too far, especially with the shading and coloring. These students say that the original Scrotie was humorous because his costume was floppy, flimsy, and unprofessional. It made Scrotie seem cute. The new one focuses too much on representing the subtle details of the true male genitalia, and Scrotie has lost the humor of his once humble beginnings. Whether Scrotie sticks around or goes through another visual transformation, only time and the largely female student body of RISD can say for sure.

The Hobbit Production Trailer

Bust out your Lord of the Rings costumes, read up on your Tolkien, and get ready for the next installment in the Lord of the Rings theatrical series: The Hobbit. Set some years before The Fellowship of the Ring, The Hobbit follows the adventures of a young Bilbo Baggins. While traveling to the Lonely Mountain with a band of dwarves, Bilbo finds himself encountering all sorts of fantastical creatures, including the dragon Smaug. Danger, fantasy, Halflings, dragons, what more could you need in a movie?

While it will still be some time before we see Peter Jacksons vision, a From Production video was released onto the Internet today, starring the infamous Peter Jackson himself. He leads the viewer through the various parts of the films production, from the artists to the visually attractive movie sets. If you are as diehard a fan as me, this is an astonishing glimpse into the magic behind the movie. Pay extra special attention to the detail in the weaponry.

You can view The Hobbit production trailer here!

To truly capture the full story within The Hobbit, Peter Jackson is breaking the movie into two separate parts, with the first movie coming out sometime in 2012 and the second in 2013. If we followed the previous movies length, we are looking at a 5- to 6-hour film, with a years worth of intermission. From Peter Jackson, I would expect nothing less.

Some say that the Lord of the Ring series is the greatest series of all time. These people are correct; everyone else is wrong. Sure, if you have yet to see the Lord of the Rings, your ignorance is excusable. But if you have seen the movies and still do not enjoy them, then you should see a doctor something is wrong with you. Go back and watch, or read, the series again.

The Zombie Fortress

While the Internet is home to countless sub-genres baring electronic teeth and fangs at each other, it is also a place where pure, unadulterated creativity can be cultivated and grown. Earlier this month, the social site known infamously as Reddit created a running gag involving an abandoned mine in Fukuoka Prefecture, Japan. This is the coal mine:

zombie fortress
The original zombie fortress photo.

Mitsjol, one of the many users of Reddit, submitted the previous photo under the title of This would make an awesome anti-zombie fortress. In typical Internet unpredictability, the photo took off and spawned some of the craziest, most hilarious photo alterations to ever involve an anti-zombie fortress.

One user challenged the claim that such a place would be a near impenetrable fortress against the swarms of the undead. This was their counterargument:

zombie fortress
The zombie fortress counterargument.

However, another user decided to take the photo into the realm of realism. The user analyzed the photo and created a rough mathematical calculation to predict exactly how many zombies would have to pile up to reach the first window. Here is his photographic submission:

zombie fortress
Oh snap!

With all eyes on the photo, and countless individuals striving for attention, the photo exploded around the electronic world. Individuals began adding their own touch of creativity, placing the zombie fortress in space, Star Wars, and a recreation in the popular online game Minecraft. Rather than search the Internet for these photos, here is a condensed gallery of them:

zombie fortress
The zombie fortress in Minecraft, which is like Legos but not as cool.
zombie fortress
Papercraft zombie fortress.
zombie fortress
Battle-ready zombie fortress!
zombie fortress
The fortress is nearly as tall as the mountain…
star wars zombie fortress
Go for the legs!
zombie fortress
There’s the tower in the background.
zombie fortress
It really is the only way to be safe.

The actual building was also found by a brother of an individual on Reddit. To prove it, he took a picture:

zombie fortress
The real zombie fortress.

As a parting note, here’s a zombie wedding cake:

Dead Island Trailer Too Much, or Enough?

There is no doubt about the onset of the zombie culture, but could the culture be taking its love of death and the undead too far? Dead Island, an upcoming horror action adventure game in development by Techland, released a sneak peak trailer some weeks ago. While the trailer is highly artistic and especially well designed, it is also subject to controversy and much debate about the zombie culture.

As a forewarning, if you are the parent of a young child, you may not want to watch this video. It is gory, it is violent, and it does involve the death of a young girl. If you are still intrigued and wish to watch it, you are more than welcome to experience the artistic vision of Techlands Dead Island.

Personally, I find the trailer to be absolutely astonishing, both artistically and visually. The point is, though, does this trailer overstep its bounds with the use of the young girl? Is it a ploy to draw attention, or is it used as an emotional tool?

I cannot remember the last time I saw a young child killed in a movie or movie trailer, never mind a video game trailer. But I want to hear from you. Do you feel that this trailer has taken it too far with the use of the young girl? Could you receive the same reaction with the use of an adult?

The Solway Firth Spaceman

In 1964, Jim Templeton was enjoying an afternoon with his daughter. The two were at Burgh Marsh, which overlooks Solway Firth in Cumbria, England. Typical to any parent hoping to capture a moment in time, Templeton took a picture of his daughter. However, what resulted from that photo has become one of the most highly debated topics of ufologists and conspiracy theorists.

The resulting photo shows Templetons daughter, sitting calmly and smiling at the camera, with what appears to be a man in an astronaut suit in the background. Templeton claims that there was no such man when he took the photo, and he obviously would have noticed such a strange individual. The photo, since being released into the public, has come to be known as the Solway Firth Spaceman, the Solway Spaceman, and the Cumberland Spaceman.

I took the picture to the police in Carlisle who, after many doubts, examined it and stated there was nothing suspicious about it. The local newspaper, the Cumberland News, picked up the story and within hours it was all over the world. The picture is certainly not a fake, and I am as bemused as anyone else as to how this image appeared in the background. Over the four decades the photo has been in the public domain, I have had many thousands of letters from all over the world with various ideas or possibilities – most of which make little sense to me.

Solway Firth Spaceman
The Solway Firth Spaceman photo.

After the photo was published, Templeton says he was visited by two men, who claimed to be from Her Majestys Government. However, the men refused to show any forms of identification, and they referred to each other as numbers rather than names. The men asked Templeton about the weather and the local bird activity on the day of the photograph. When the questions were through, they drove Templeton out to the site, where they tried to force him to admit to falsifying the photo. He rejected and the men became angry, leaving Templeton stranded.

Throughout the four decades that this photo has swarm the mainstream media, Templeton claims he has never once received any financial return, nor has he ever hoped to. His only hope is to one day discover the mystery that lies behind this seemingly innocent photo.

When interviewed by the BBC, Templeton said, Who is he? Where’s he from? Those are the two questions we want answered.”

As if the photo is not strange enough, a Blue Streak missile launch at the Woomera Test Range, located in Australia, was aborted due to the sighting of two large men seen on the firing range. The men looked exactly the same as the Solway Firth Spaceman same build, same size, and same suit. At the time, the technicians working on the missile had not known about the Solway Firth Spaceman sighting; Australian newspapers had not yet printed the story.

The Vampire Woman


Have you heard of the Vampire Woman, whose vampire mask is permanent? No? Then let me introduce you to her:

Maria Jose Cristerna, the Vampire Woman.

Maria Jose Cristerna, a mother of four, a trained lawyer, and a tattoo artist, has taken the love of vampirism to a new level of horrifyingly astonishing. Rather than following the glittery tweens of Twilight, she opts instead for transforming her physical appearance through the means of macabre tattoos, piercings, and implantations.

“Tattoos were a form of liberation for me. My family was and is deeply Catholic, Cristerna told Fox News. “I studied at a religious school, I fell in love, got married in white at 17, followed a career. I wanted to make things right.

While making things right is fine and all, one may wonder where this kind of love of vampirism, tattoos, and implants originated. For Christerna, it comes from a childhood of abuse and beatings. Every piercing, including her titanium horns implanted in her forehead, represents her change and strength.

“The horns I have are a symbol of strength and were implanted without anesthetic. I had the fangs done because I loved vampires as a little girl and I changed the color of my eyes so they were how I really wanted them to be.

Anyone who goes under the knife without anesthetics has got to be one mean mother. That’s serious business, which only goes to further back her self-proclaimed vampiric nature. And as stated above, she also had fangs dentally implanted.

But wait, even though nearly 100% of her body is tattooed and she has countless piercings, her transformation is not quite complete. She also plans to have two titanium implants put into the back of her head. Why? Because shes a vampire.

“Tattooing is my way of being immortal, of really being a vampire and not dying leaving my work on other people’s skin.”