Tag Archives: terrorist

An open letter to Sarah Palin.

 

Even though I do not have cable… the issue of the New York mosque building sight seems to creep into my life (and facebook feeds) every day.

I don’t vote. I don’t care. I don’t see things effect my life one way or another with whoever is in power.

However, this mosque dilemma seems to be a big issue and source of conflict for many groups. Since it has invaded my life, I feel I need to address the issue.

Dear Mrs. Palin…

Actually, can I call you Sarah? Not only are you beautiful and intelligent and a lovely mother of many, you also are a very powerful speaker… I would compare your words to Shakespeare but you’ve already done that for yourself. You are woman! I hear you roar (along with those pesky and overabundant animals you hunt and decorate your wall with). When you speak… or tweet… smart people support you while ignorant and overzealous liberals slander you. Spelling mistakes and support of racial slurs only means that you are human just like us.

Oil King Adult Mask

Now, my beautiful and smart Sarah, I hear your words on the Mosque site. I know liberals think you are just trying to incite panic and emotion when you use terms like “radical” in every other sentence when talking about anyone who doesn’t agree with you, but they are clearly just dispatrioticalists (that’s a word right?). Either way, I want to help make your speeches even more powerful. I think a good way to help those peace loving, equality driven, open minded liberal hippies see what they really stand for is to actually SHOW them. May I suggest, that for the next speech you make, you wear this Oil King Adult Mask from frightcatalog.com? It will help drive home the point that this is who all those radical Muslims really are…evil terrorist turban wearing Satan worshipers (I mean, if it’s not Jesus, than it can only be Satan). You, Sarah, are famous for speaking your mind. This will make a huge statement and perhaps cause those anti-American liberals to refudiate their ways.

Perhaps if this suggestion helps you spread your words, we could discuss politics over some moose meat in your Alaskan back yard as we gaze over the border at Russia. May God be with you Sarah. I know he will be and already is. I’ve actually spoken to him personally and he told me to tell you that he only loves Republicans. F* the rest of em’. God bless America! Git er dun!

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

MEGA DISCLAIMER: This article is for satirical purposes only. My writings have nothing to do with the views of frightcatalog or it’s owners. I really don’t know anything about politics. I don’t follow them. (Though, if I had to classify myself as one thing, I’d say I’m an open minded hippie…which is why this article is so tongue in cheek). I know that anything political will spark people’s madness buttons and get them talking. I like pushing buttons. Speaking of buttons, use your mouse button and click on over to Frightcatalog.com to check out their wicked cool Halloween stuff. Life’s too short to stress about politics and problems that aren’t your own, so live, laugh, and move on! It’s just in good fun :)

“Kill Me” Elmo

That furry red body, those crazed bug eyes, and that high pitched deceivingly innocent baby voice… it’s just not right I tell you.

I did my research on the little critter we’ve all grown to hate… Sesame Street’s own red devil, Elmo.

Elmo may seem innocent, but we know better. If you remember back in 2006, Elmo caused mass pandemonium with his “Tickle Me Elmo” toy. Christmas is hard enough without adding a hard to get $30 toy to the list. Parents literally almost killed each other to get their hands on this toy. Oh the things we do to appease the monster child. To be fair, perhaps the vibrating red doll didn’t just appeal to children… but that’s a different story.

If the “Tickle Me” craze wasn’t enough to make you hate Elmo, how about his potty training book? I recently came across an article from 2006 that discussed numerous complaints to the company in which the book said “Who wants to die?” instead of “Who wants to try to go potty?”

The name “Elmo” with the letters rearranged spells out “Mole”. This leads to only one conclusion. Elmo is a mole sent to the US by Iraq. They are using him to manipulate children and their parents to get all the Elmo toys/books/etc put in place in every home in America. Once this happens, every ticking time bomb Tickle Me Elmo will go off simultaneously….resulting in most catastrophic terrorist attack the US has never known.

Do not despair! There is hope! People are already starting to fight back…

It’s not too late for you to join the fight! Be proud to be an American!

We have a hero in our midst… and his name is Oscar the Grouch. As we all know, he is the most realistic character on the Sesame Street block. He reflects the modern world as we know it. Together, we shall rise out of our trash cans of idealism and shaded reality and fight for America. Start practicing today with the Elmo Pull String Pinata.

May the red, white, and blue be with you!

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Disclaimer: There is no proven link between Sesame Street or Elmo and Terrorism against America…just strange documented events that I’ve strung together to create something that probably isn’t there. Sesame Street please do not sue Fright Catalog. We know not what we do. This article is for entertainment purposes only… and the mass selling of your Elmo Pinatas.