That’s the type of mood I am in today. As a result of this fantabulous mood… may I introduce you to a wonderful collection of items to blow.

3 Foot Sock Hop Inflatable Jukebox: Sunday Monday HAPPY DAYS! The only thing cooler would be if the thing actually played music. But you could get high enough from blowing it up that the pretty colors will be entertainment enough

Inflatable Basketball Cooler: It's basketball season right? He's got big balls! She's got big balls! But you've got the biggest balls of them all! Keep your beer cold and your friends impressed with your big balls.

Skeleton Inflatable Cooler: Touch my beer and I'll KEEL YOU!

I Dream Of Jeannie Bottle: Blow it. Rub it. But be careful or it could pop before your wishes come true.

Airblown Tabletop Birthday Cake: For when you want a special way of saying "Happy Birthday you fat cow! No cake for you!"

Foofa Standup: yeah... i don't get it either....

A Christmas Story Inflatable Lawn Leg Lamp: Careful! It's FRA-GIL-E! Main point is... the mom broad hated it in her window... so you can bet your wife will certainly kill you for putting it on the lawn. DO IT! DO IT!

Class assignments, books, homework, oh… and the usual college parties of course.

In My Veins Drink Dispenser

If you are awesomely Halloweenly inclined: you gotta check out these deliciously evil drinking accessories. Why settle for plain plastic red cups. Kick off Halloween early and make a statement on campus.

Why not turn your dorm into a naughty hospital scene?

Fill up this unsettling drink dispenser with something good and red: vodka and cranberry make an easy and tasty cocktail that is sure to get your blood flowing.

Next grab some hot babes in nurse hats and have them pass around red jello shots in these syringe shooters. Yes, you are the man.

Syringe Shots 6 count

Here’s the recipe if you are a blood shot virgin:
6 ounces Red Jello (large package)
16 ounces Water (boiling)
6 ounces Water (cold)
10 ounces Vodka
Mix the jello mix with the boiling water until the powder is fully dissolved and add the cold water and alcohol. Pour the cooling mixture into your syringes and get ready for fun.

Not up for all the preparation and fuss? At least grab yourself a bad ass beer funnel. Plastic tubing and car funnels are lame. If you are going to make a drunken mess of yourself you might as well do it in style!

From now until the end of October you should be gearing up for madness. Save the toga parties for spring time. You are cooler then that

Skull Beverage Funnel

Click to play: Ninja Wedding Crashers

The bride is super hot and the groom is awesome for dressing like a zorro pirate. You can bet if you crash a wedding like this dressed as a ninja, you’ll snag some super hot bridesmaids. Ladies, if you hate your bridesmaid dresses, showing up as a ninja is a good way to protest bad style. However you won’t be going home with anyone if you fight like the dudes in this video. The karate chopping and half kicks get old real quick. Throw some roundhouse kicks and break dance moves in there somewhere. Brush up on some old Jackie Chan movies to get your blood pumping.

Ninja Warrior Elite Collection Adult Costume

For those of us who know many reasons why certain couples should not get married, may I suggest Ninja Wedding Crashing. First, make sure you are dressed the part. The ninjas in the previous video were lame. Let’s not bring down the wedding and mock the bride and groom by being a half ass ninja. Frightcatalog has all your ninja needs. Ideally, you could borrow a classroom of children and dress them as ninjas. When the time is right, you and your child ninja herd storm into the wedding and take over. After all, whats freakier then mass amounts of little people in ninja costumes?

Remember, the key to being a ninja is being stealth. You must be able to go unnoticed until the moment you wish you magically appear. Also, have your ninja supplies ready for action. Go in, destroy, get out. That is the ninja code. Additionally, arrange for really awesome video game fighter music to play when you make your entrance.

The ninja wedding crashing can also be played out at complete strangers weddings. You may get seriously injured and/or arrested, but boy would that be a story to tell! There is actually talk of making a ninja wedding crashers movie. It would be a sequel to the original Wedding Crashers, only much much better. No, I’m joking. But it would be really cool. I’d see it.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Disclaimer: For the stupid people:

As usual, for those of you who believe every word I say to be completely factual, let me be the first to say that you are an idiot. No, I do not believe Elmo is a terrorist, I was just being random and weird. No, I do not believe in eating babies, I’m just a weirdo and found it funny. No, I also don’t think it’s right to go running around in ninja costumes and crashing the most special day in someone’s life…. but if you did it I’d think you were wicked cool. However, I am not promoting it. Some people need to take a strange article at face value. I, nor frightcatalog, am responsible for your blind following of my rediculous plots and suggestions derived from my articles.

Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for more articles and insane suggestions which come from my completely eccentric mind.

It’s the kid’s birthday, or you just got a raise at work,  or you got a divorce, or just any excuse in which a party can be thrown.

Go with a medieval theme. Due to the popularity of the movie “How to Train Your Dragon” the kids will be more then thrilled. Here are the steps to assure a party the kids will never forget. Trust me on this one.

It’s a medieval party so you will need to put out the themed  eating utensils to assure the proper eating of your homemade dragon cake. Have the kids help you make and decorate the dragon. It may  come out more dysfunctional looking with their help, but the ineptitude of  children has a way of making you feel smarter. Plus you can use it as bonding time or whatever.

Next get everyone in the mood by setting the scene with a proper background of haunted trees. Turn on the  fog machine to make everything eerily fantastical.

Now for the main event: the dragon slaying. There’s two ways you can play this game: socially acceptable or child traumatizing. I of course prefer the latter of the two…but it’s not my party.

Socially acceptable dragon slaying:

You the adult don the costume of the dragon. The children get to dress up as knights and princesses. You run around your mystical woods scaring the knights and wreaking havoc. The mini-knights finally take you down in a blaze of fiery glory. They attack you with plastic swords until you snuff your final puff of breath. Little kids win. Little kids scream in happiness. You bust your hip and take a couple sword pokes to the eyeballs but hey, the kids are happy.

http://www.frightcatalog.com/i/240x240/1006943.jpg

Child traumatizing (more fun):

This time the roles are reversed. The children are dressed as dragons and you are the knight.  Time to take revenge on the little heathens. My advice, get the baby dragons first. They can only crawl. Once they are strung up by their feet you can set your eyes on the faster ones. They are tricky little buggers. The kids will scream and probably cry… but they are dragons. Don’t let them fool you. Once all the dragons are slayed, you can enjoy a nice big dragon cake all to yourself in sweet silence. Now that’s a happy ending.

What are you waiting for? Get your dragon slaying party started today!

Disclaimer for the town idiot:

I do not endorse attacking your child with a sword and eating his cake. You could probably get arrested for that. This article is for satirical purposes only.

"Is there something in my teeth?"

Even though I left my Gothic lifestyle behind years ago, I still love vampires. Up until recently, I’ve kept this love under wraps, lest I be labeled a total weirdo. However, with the resurgence of vampires in the media (even though it includes Edward Cullen, who is probably the lamest vampire ever), liking vampires is now acceptable. When I heard that my favorite show, True Blood, was renewed for a fourth season, I thought to myself that now is the perfect time  to “come out of the coffin” and treat my friends to a vampire-themed party.

The premise is simple: get a bunch of people together, nibble on some snacks (or a fellow partygoer), and watch vampire movies until the sun comes up. If somebody decides to don a pair of fangs or a cape, well, all the better.

Sounds fun, right? So invite some people, make some vampire bite cupcakes, and celebrate all things undead. Who knows, maybe Dracula himself will show.