Tag Archives: fangs

Hot Blood Splattered Vampire Sex.

In honor of True Blood Sundays.

If the title didn’t get your attention, this full size picture should:

The Joy of Vampire Sex: ‘True Blood’ on Rolling Stone’s Latest Cover

This is probably one of the most awesome Stone covers ever. The only thing that would have made it better would be if they replaced a lame Sookie with a naked blood soaked Halloween Harlot. We can’t all be perfect though.

Anyway, here’s the plan. This picture has inspired me to throw a hot vampire orgy sex party (even if it’s just in my head).

First step: Invite sexy vampire friends (remember: you MUST invite them in) All pre-party fang re-vamping can be done here. Also invite a flock of Fang-Bangers for food supply.

Second step: Provide mood lighting and ample beverages.

Skeleton Hand Wine Glass

Sample Beverage List:

BLOODY MARY (what’s a vampire party without a classic bloody?)

INGREDIENTS: 1 part Vodka, Tomato juice, splash of Tabasco, a splash of Worchester, a little horseradish, a slice of lime
INSTRUCTIONS: Mix Vodka and Tomato juice and serve over ice with a splash of Tabasco, a splash of Worchester sauce. Mix in a little horseradish if you want a little more of a kick. Place a slice of lime on the rim.

SERVING GLASS: Tall glass.GARNISH: Celery Stick

BLOOD OF A VIRGIN

INGREDIENTS: 2 parts vodka, 3 parts bourbon, 1 part red wine, 3 drops of virgin blood
INSTRUCTIONS: Mix all ingredients in a blender and heat over an open flame for 20 minutes. Serve with extreme caution!

SERVING GLASS: Wine glass or hurricane glassGARNISH: 3 cherries

RED DEATH

INGREDIENTS: Amaretto, Southern Comfort, Sloe Gin, Orange Juice, Vodka, Triple Sec, Lime Juice
INSTRUCTIONS: Mix one part of each in a cocktail mixer with ice. Strain into shot glasses (or serve over ice if you want to get trashed faster)
Goes down like fruit punch… be warned!

SERVING GLASS: Shot Glasses
GARNISH: None


 

Third Step: Cover furniture/floors in saran wrap a la Dexter style.

Fourth Step: Get everyone drunk and naked and covered in blood…. and  proceed with vampire sex orgy.

I mean. It’s so simple that even a Jason Stackhouse could do it.

Enjoy.

Can Charley Defeat Edward?

A couple of years ago, a “Near Dark” remake was scrapped because the producer was afraid that the story, which has a teenage romance element, would come off like an R-rated “Twilight” knockoff — apparently, the planned unnecessary remake was probably a thousand times worse than imagined. Although 1985’s “Fright Night” isn’t quite as awesome as the near-perfect “Near Dark,” it’s up there; “Fright Night” also has a teen romance element, so it’s fair to worry that the updated remake that’s currently in development could tread too close to Twilight territory. More likely, the “Fright Night” remake will be the anti-Twilight, an encyclopedia of traditional vampire lore like the original, with wooden crosses, bats and razor-sharp fangs.

The remake actually looks promising. This week, it was announced that Colin Farrell and Toni Colette have been added to the the cast, in addition to Anton Yelchin (aka teen Kyle Reese) as Charley and rumors that Chris Sarandon will be featured as himself in the Roddy McDowell role, which would be too cool, if true. Now word is the new “Fright Night” will be in 3D, too — how could a ’10s version not be?