Have you been on the FrightCatalog.com Facebook page lately? Fans from all over are sharing photos and videos from Halloweens past — especially the amazing yard decorations and home-based haunted houses. Envious? You too can create an awesome haunted room or yard! There are more cool decorations on FrightCatalog.com than anyone could ever cover in one blog post, but here are a some of the new higher end props (and one budget-friendly fun pick):
Scar the neighbor kids for life with this scary 8-foot puppet that appears to move and walk on its own. $2,750.99.
Scary life-sized latex mummy torso to decorate your lawn or snack table. $299.99
Even though I do not have cable… the issue of the New York mosque building sight seems to creep into my life (and facebook feeds) every day.
I don’t vote. I don’t care. I don’t see things effect my life one way or another with whoever is in power.
However, this mosque dilemma seems to be a big issue and source of conflict for many groups. Since it has invaded my life, I feel I need to address the issue.
Dear Mrs. Palin…
Actually, can I call you Sarah? Not only are you beautiful and intelligent and a lovely mother of many, you also are a very powerful speaker… I would compare your words to Shakespeare but you’ve already done that for yourself. You are woman! I hear you roar (along with those pesky and overabundant animals you hunt and decorate your wall with). When you speak… or tweet… smart people support you while ignorant and overzealous liberals slander you. Spelling mistakes and support of racial slurs only means that you are human just like us.
Now, my beautiful and smart Sarah, I hear your words on the Mosque site. I know liberals think you are just trying to incite panic and emotion when you use terms like “radical” in every other sentence when talking about anyone who doesn’t agree with you, but they are clearly just dispatrioticalists (that’s a word right?). Either way, I want to help make your speeches even more powerful. I think a good way to help those peace loving, equality driven, open minded liberal hippies see what they really stand for is to actually SHOW them. May I suggest, that for the next speech you make, you wear this Oil King Adult Mask from frightcatalog.com? It will help drive home the point that this is who all those radical Muslims really are…evil terrorist turban wearing Satan worshipers (I mean, if it’s not Jesus, than it can only be Satan). You, Sarah, are famous for speaking your mind. This will make a huge statement and perhaps cause those anti-American liberals to refudiate their ways.
Perhaps if this suggestion helps you spread your words, we could discuss politics over some moose meat in your Alaskan back yard as we gaze over the border at Russia. May God be with you Sarah. I know he will be and already is. I’ve actually spoken to him personally and he told me to tell you that he only loves Republicans. F* the rest of em’. God bless America! Git er dun!
MEGA DISCLAIMER: This article is for satirical purposes only. My writings have nothing to do with the views of frightcatalog or it’s owners. I really don’t know anything about politics. I don’t follow them. (Though, if I had to classify myself as one thing, I’d say I’m an open minded hippie…which is why this article is so tongue in cheek). I know that anything political will spark people’s madness buttons and get them talking. I like pushing buttons. Speaking of buttons, use your mouse button and click on over to Frightcatalog.com to check out their wicked cool Halloween stuff. Life’s too short to stress about politics and problems that aren’t your own, so live, laugh, and move on! It’s just in good fun
Now ye sorry sprogs, ye need to be brushin up on yer pirate speak so you can talk to the souls of the damned aboard this cursed vessel we call the internet. Here be some startin’ rules on how to be speakin like a true buccaneer:
Double up on all your adjectives and you’ll be bountifully bombastic with your phrasing. Pirates never speak of “a big ship”, they call it a “great, grand ship!” They never say never, they say “No nay ne’er!”
Drop all your “g”‘s when you speak and you’ll get words like “rowin'”, “sailin'” and “fightin'”. Dropping all of your “v”‘s will get you words like “ne’er”, “e’er” and “o’er”.
Instead of saying “I am”, sailors say, “I be”. Instead of saying “You are”, sailors say, “You be”. Instead of saying, “They are”, sailors say, “They be”. Ne’er speak in anythin’ but the present tense!
The above rules be commandeered from the fine website yarr.org. Ye best be viewin the rest of the website to brush up on all yer vocabulary. Talk Like a Pirate Day is coming up on the date of September 19th. Ye know I will be quizzin ye on your A…B…and Seas.
Once ye master the basics, turn ye Facebook into ye own furner. Scroll to the bottom left of ye Facebook homepage to where it says “English”. Change the writings to “English (Pirate)” and Avast! Ye are on ye way to a whole new adventure.
Now keep an eye on the horizon and a hand on the sail. I have one final treasure for ye. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is in the makin. This time Captain Jack Sparrow faces a wench from his past and also encounters the infamous Black Beard all while on a journey to find the booty of all booties, the fountain of youth. This ship be sailin in 2011.
Be sure to visit FrightCatalog.com for all of ye pirate needs. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!