Prince Charming. Part 1.

Prince Charming Elite Collection Adult Plus Costum

You saw his picture on Facebook. He was a friend of a friend. You requested him. He accepted. You looked at all his photos and were enamored. You found his status updates entertaining and exchanged various silly posts to each others walls. One fateful day your Prince asks you out on a date. So you spend all night doing your hair and makeup and choosing just the right outfit. You look ravishing! Finally your Prince Charming rings the doorbell and you prepare yourself to be swept away.

He is a little late picking you up, but your Prince explains that he got caught in rush hour so that is a valid excuse. Oh wait, you just remembered that it’s Saturday, no traffic. Well, at any rate, he’s there now so you are prepared to enjoy yourself. He doesn’t have any flowers, but that is such an old tradition that you don’t let it bother you. He smiles at you and you feel yourself melt into his perfect symmetrical dimples.

Empress Adult Costume

Empress Adult Costume

Suddenly his smile fades to an almost blase expression. “Oh. You are wearing that?” he disapprovingly utters. You are shocked. You look down at your outfit that you spent all day picking out. “You…you don’t like it?” you stammer. “No, it’s not that I don’t like it. It’s that you are so much prettier than that. ” he sneakily smiles. “I have something for you, my princess.” You are confused and your heart doesn’t know weather to drop or to fly. He takes your hand and leads you to his red hot Ferrari. He opens the door and hands you a Gucci shopping bag. You open the bag and pull out the sexiest red dress you’ve ever seen. Well this just seems to make up for everything! He really is a prince! How did you get so lucky? “Oh, my, gosh! It’s beautiful! Thank you!” you throw your arms around him for a hug.

He pushes you away. “Careful. I don’t want you to get all that makeup on my suit. It’s expensive.” he states matter of fact. You just assume he is joking. You invite him into your home so you can go change before your date. He declines the offer as his phone starts to ring. He tells you to be quick about it because dinner reservations are in 20 minutes and you still have to drive there. He seems to dismiss you with a wave of his hand while he answers his phone. You think to yourself that he is just busy with business. He got your such a gorgeous dress. No one has ever done that on the first date. With a Gucci in your hand, you can excuse just about anything this guy could do. He was just so handsome and rich. He was indeed your Prince Charming.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Just as you open the door to your house he cups his hand on his phone and yells at to you “Hey, keep the tags on, just in case the date doesn’t work out!” WHAT? Is he serious? Your brains starts spinning as you turn around to look back at him in shock. At that moment he starts laughing hysterically. “You should see your face!” he utters between giggles. “The dress is yours, Princess. Just no dessert for you. Don’t want you popping out of the dress too soon!” he snaps with a wink. Your Prince is a joker, you’ll give him that, but the way he calls you ‘Princess’ seems to excuse anything he can say or do. Not to mention the Gucci you are about to put on. This is going to be an interesting date to say the least.

…to be continued.

10 Days of Torture: Mother in Law…cont.

We last left our hero (you) in the middle of the woods at his mother in law’s rickety old farm house. He was with his beautiful woman and just about to step up the the looming door.

… As you both stare at the sorry excuse for a house in front of you, you lightly squeeze her hand and smile. Is there anything I should know before we go in there?you say with a wink.

She looks at you with wide eyes and slightly parts her lips, “Eat whatever they put in front of you.” Before you can react to this odd statement, the front door flies open. Two hideous creatures run at you while you stand immobilized by fear and confusion. Is this really happening?

Mr Living Dead Adult Mask

Before you know it, you are blindfolded and dragged into the house. You hit your head on the steps and go unconscious. Everything is black. When you awake you find that you are still blindfolded. You can’t move your hands or feet and realize you are bound to a chair. Your body goes cold. This is the end. You try to slow down you breathing and listen to the sounds in the room. Things are rustling and people are whispering. In your panic you can’t make out what they are saying.

All of a sudden the blindfold is ripped from your face. You are now able to see the horror around you. Hideous faces peer at your hungrily from the dark smokey room. The faces are warped and twisted. They unlike any human face you’ve ever seen. Before you can really adjust your eyes, a hand grabs the back of your head and shoves you and the chair full speed towards the dinner table. Your eyes widen in horror as you see what appears to be a half eaten body stretched across the table. Your blood races through your veins as you close your eyes and pray for this not to be real.

A horrid breathy growl of a voice bites at your ear. “Eat”, it says. Another creature twists and moves unsettling towards you with a knife. It points at the others staring all around you. They have guns pointed. You know there is no way out of this. In the corner of your eye you see your beautiful lady. She sits at the table with her eyes down. You wonder if these things killed her family or if they are her family. Thoughts race. Did she plan to do this to you? Your thoughts are cut off by the cold blade of the knife against your skin. It cuts the ropes and your hands are free.

Butcher Table

The hand on the back of your head pushes your face into the table. “EAT!”, it growls with more intensity this time. You grab the fork and without hesitation spin around and plunge it right into your captor’s shoulder. A scream is let out, followed by a strange muffled laughter. You are stunned and frozen. All around you the laughter gets louder… followed by cheering.You look at your lady and she has a big beautiful smile on her face. What is going on?

The creatures drop their guns and peel at their faces. Your brain feels like it’s going to explode any minute. You are disconnected with reality. You must be going crazy. You close your eyes. You open them. People. Normal people. Normal people are staring back at you. The creature that you had plunged the fork in was a normal looking American. He had a smile on his face. He shook his head in laughter and said, “Welcome to the family boy! You sure are somethin’! We put a hell of a scare in you. Most sissies run to the door but you put up a fight!” He reached and pulled out the fork from his shoulder. No blood! “Good thing I got this big foam suit on just in case things get messy!” he said in his burly southern voice.

Another woman chipped in, “We get our masks on Frightcatalog.com. We just wanted to see who is tough enough to deserve our baby girl! You passed the test!’ Your whole body is aching and you can’t see straight. You point at the table towards the bloody half eaten body and start to mumble, “but..” You are cut off by another voice, “Oh, that’s just a prop we got off the site too. Sure did fool you!”. More laughter.

Your lady comes running up to you with her strawberry gold locks bouncing behind her. She wraps her arms around you and kisses you on the lips. “Oh honey, you did so well! Welcome to the family!”

With that, you haphazardly push her away and untie your legs from the chair. You take a moment to breathe, you stand up, give a salute to the crazy family around you, and walk towards the door, grabbing the apple pie on your way out. No broad is worth shitting your pants over.

Open road, apple pie, and a football game on TV for when you get home. Not too bad.

The End.

10 Days of Torture: Your Mother in Law.

Psycho Mothers Dress Adult Costume

Torture comes in all shapes and sizes. So does your mother in law.

So, you’ve met the woman of your dreams. Now comes time to meet the family. You already know your partner was adopted, but you don’t know much about her family. She never really talked about them and you never really asked. All you know is that they raised one hell of a beautiful and perfect woman, so how bad could they really be?

You dress in your Sunday best, pick up a fresh apple pie to bring over, and hit the road.

Your partner is unusually quiet. You take the opportunity to enjoy the silence. After several windy roads, you start to wonder where these people actually live. You look over at your lady. She is compulsively picking at the skin around her nails and licking her lips. You haven’t seen her act this way before. You assume she is just nervous if her family will like you or not. “How much further, honey?”. Your voice breaks the silence and seems to startle her, which in turn startles you too. She looks at you with her wide ocean blue eyes and says “We’re not too far now”. Her quiet and meek voice floats through your ears like a delicate breeze. You really are a lucky man, you think to yourself as you turn focus back on the road.

The daylight is fading fast. However, several trees and windy roads later, you come upon the house. It is a little middle America looking, with a broken down chicken coup in the font and various lawn tools strewn about. Maybe this was why she seemed nervous. You aren’t the neatest and cleanest man around, but this place makes yours look like Martha Stuarts summer home. As you slow down to park, your car shakes and bumps along the uneven dirt road. This is like something right out of the movies. Wanting to ease your lady’s nerves, you take her tiny pale hand and lean over to kiss her pink cheek. “We’re here baby. This is very quaint. Like one of those old country movies…” She seems to know you are just trying to make her feel better, but she lets her small bow lips curl up into a half smile as if to let you know she appreciates the gesture. Her smile quickly disappears as you open the car door.

50 Haunted Forest Room Roll

After taking a moment to breathe the crisp air into your lungs, you walk to the other side of the car where your lovely lady waits. Her strawberry blond hair seems to warm the dark around you. She looks beautiful with her pretty light blue dress and the apple pie resting in a box on her lap. You smile at her and reach down to open the door. As you look down, you notice a little bit of red on your hands. You gasp when you realize that it’s blood. When it registers that it is not your blood, you quickly realize that it is your lady’s. She must have inadvertently made herself bleed while she picked at her hands in the car. Not missing a beat, you wipe your hands on your jeans and open the door. You don’t want to upset or embarrass her. You softly take her cold hands into your warm ones and help her out of the car without a word.

As you both stare at the sorry excuse for a house in front of you, you squeeze her hand and smile. “Is there anything I should know before we go in there….?” you say with a wink.

….to be continued.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

10 Days of Torture: The Chair

Ultimate Electric Chair

Ultimate Electric Chair

Our 10 days of torture continue with day number two. Before the invention of our much beloved electric chair, there was a different seat to die on, something much more terrifying.

Let me introduce you to none other than the Chair of Torture. A simple and fitting name for this living room essential. The chair is made of solid metal and boasts hundreds of sharp spikes. There are straps and bars to keep your legs, feet, and torso uncomfortably secured at all times. All you need to do now is give your truthful confession, or just exactly what your torturer wants to hear and perhaps you may be mercifully granted a quick death. If, however, you don’t wisely choose your words, you may be subjected to a long, slow, indescribably barbaric and painful death.

Chair of Torture

If your torturer is feeling particularly frisky, he may sit on your body, piercing the spikes further into your flesh. He may also tighten the straps or push down on the bars for harsh concentrated pain. If he is feeling more than playful, he may warm your seat for you before you sit down. By warming your seat, I mean that he will use hot coals to heat the metal to a hellish fire temperature. This will make the nails more easily pierce your body and burn you from the inside out.

The chair was considered so horrific and terrifying that the accused would often commit suicide before even coming anywhere near the chair. Death could be dragged out for long periods of time due to the nails stopping the blood from completely flowing out. If you survived the chair, you would not survive the consequential infections that would ensue from contact with the rusty nails.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Now, I’m sure you are asking yourself “where can I buy such an amazing piece of history?” Well, I’ve already looked into it and it seems that your local Pottery Barn is out of stock and unfortunately won’t be getting anymore in. However, Frightcatalog.com has several torture chairs for your personal enjoyment. Check out the new updated version of our classic Chair of Torture: the Ultimate Electric Chair. Your chair comes complete with a screaming, sniveling thrashing victim of your very own! Enjoy countless hours of shocking good times while your victim begs over and over again for mercy. You are the Torture Tornado. Put this thing in your living room and rest assured you will get the respect you deserve.

Happy Hunting.

10 Days of Torture -The Saw

Buzz Saw

Let’s get right to the point shall we? I’ve been doing some research around the internet to bring you a collection of my favorite and most disturbing ancient torture devices. Just the sight of these devices would give even the makers of “Saw” and “Hostile” a chill down their spine. Even I, your Halloween Harlot, could not help but gasp and wince at the horrors before me.

It’s hard to believe that people could come up with such twisted ways to execute someone. Some forms of torture were used to get people to talk while others seem to have been invented for pure morbid pleasure. Though, once you found yourself into one of these little devices, no amount of talking, crying, or praying could save you. You are damn well damned if you do and damn well damned if you don’t. Your fate was sealed the minute the finger was pointed.

Saw Torture

With that in mind, let me introduce to you our most multifunctional item. In fact, you most certainly have one of these horrific torture devices hanging around your garage. It’s called: The Saw. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s great for cutting down trees or trimming lumber for various house hold projects. It’s also amazing at ripping through some poor soul’s flesh as they are hung upside down being bathed in their own blood.

In the middle ages, the cheapest, easiest, and most effective way to torture and/or kill a suspected criminal was with saw torture. Imagine all the fantastical torture devices in you time, all the wonderful ways to die, and your sorry criminal behind gets shafted to the saw. First, you get hung upside down with your legs spread. Your blood is rushed to your head which slows down blood loss and keeps you conscious longer as your body is sawed in half. Isn’t that nice. This method was especially handy during the Inquisition being used to extract confessions. Some bodies were sawed completely in half while others were only to the abdomen.

Now you can own your very own torture device! It’s not cheap- but it’s certainly worth the money. You can scare confessions out of any poor child or adult that dare cross you! The Buzz Saw has a huge spinning blade that comes and rips into the flesh and organs of the victim. It’s actually and illusion that uses the actor’s own head, arms, and legs. While it doesn’t hang you from your feet and rip you from your crotch to your abdomen, it still gets the “point across”.

Devil DLittle Infant Toddler Costume

Random Fact: Not to bring up dead babies again but… while we are on the subject… I came across a website that mentioned saw torture was used in France on pregnant woman who carried the “children of the devil”. Just a little info to store in your brain if you should need it.

Happy Hunting.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Babies. The other white meat.

Imagine if we could solve poverty and world hunger at the same time? In 1979, Johnathan Swift published a classic satire essay that proposed a solution: sell the babies of the poor as a delicacy to rich English gentlemen. In this way he mocked high society and shed a light on class disparity by his absurd proposition.

The website EatBabies.com was born (excuse the pun) in part to Swifts essay and also to celebrate satire in all forms (though, mostly that of eating babies). The site includes comics, art, and some fabulous recipes. Hungry? Try such entrees as Bab-B-Q Torso and follow with a dessert of Babyberry Pie. On a lighter diet? EatBabies.com has got your back! Babies can be a bit high in the fat department, but you can still go healthy with the Low Carb Baby Protein Shake.

Baby Bunting – Pizza Infant Costume

Some time ago, there were emails circulating that depicted an Asian man eating what appeared to be a cooked baby carcass. People were shocked. However, About.com delved into this Urban Legend and believe it to be a hoax. The pictures were traced back to an underground art exhibit after being rejected as “too controversial” by curators of Shanghai 2000 Bienniale. The article suggests that the image could have been composed of doll parts and that if indeed the man was eating a real baby, he would have been arrested.

However, despite the hoaxes and satires, baby eating can be both fun and nutritious. We already know that placenta eating is popular in Chinese medicine and is also practiced in America to an extent. The placenta is loaded with nutrients and is said to have many healing properties. Well let’s not be so quick to disregard the baby itself. The meat is as delicate as veal. The high fat content and lack of muscle makes for a true delicacy.

If you are having a little bit of trouble stomaching the though of eating a baby- FrightCatalog has a solution. We carry all sorts of infant costumes to help the babies go down easier. Try a nice Italian entree of Baby Bunting Pizza followed by a chocolatey Tootsie Roll dessert, and for the more health conscious, the Banana Baby Infant Costume. Just slide on your favorite food costume, and your baby will be much more appealing to eat. TIP: babies are best served rare with a side of buttered peas and a nice Chianti.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: FrightCatalog does not endorse eating babies. The article is for entertainment purposes only.

9…10… never sleep again.

Deluxe Freddy Krueger Overhead Latex Mask

He’s baaaack.

Seems like Freddy just won’t die. He’s come for another round of terrorizing teens and audiences alike.

Ms Krueger Naughty Nightmare Adult Costume

The latest Krueger appearance is in the new movie “A Nightmare on Elm Street” scheduled to drop in theaters Friday, April 30th. The movie is based on characters from the 1984 Nightmare that we all grew up with. Sadly, there will be no Johnny Depp in this one. Instead, we get a cast of some seemingly familiar faces. The teens come together due to similar experiences concerning Freddy. As each starts to die off, it becomes critical to find out why they are being targeted and what they can do to stop it… before it’s too late.

To celebrate the movie…and creep people out in theaters, Fright Catalog has you stocked on all things that go bump in the night. If you are feeling particularly adventurous, take your lady to the theater in matching costumes. Children will scream and movie goers will applaud. Show up a little early and get yourself ready for an inevitable photo session.

If instead, you just want a little creep in the theater, get one of our famous Freddy claws and prepare for spine tingling fun. Go with a large group of friends or just your innocent lady friend, and keep your claws hidden. When the opportunity strikes you put on your hand and tap your friends on the shoulder using your best snaring growl. They will jump 5 feet out of their chairs! Pick a moment when the suspense is so thick you can cut it with a knife… or finger blades.

Freddy Kruegers Glove

If you are perhaps the most devious of them all. If you decide you really don’t mind if you lose a friend or two. Wait til everyone gathers after the movie for drinking and games. Let them drink their fears away. When you feel the time is right, turn off all the lights. Slip on your mask and Freddy glove…. and….well… you know. Bring the movie to life. The screams will echo and people will run. You just gave them a night to remember. They should be thankful.

Every day is Halloween. Live in the dark with everything that slithers and snarles. Fright Catalog has everything you need to fight the vampires… or become one. You can raise the dead… or walk among the living dead. Raise a cup and open your eyes, because the devils crawl until the sun does arise.

Pleasant Dreams.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Technology

Technology has broken the final frontier, everywhere in our modern lives we are exposed to modern technology. There seems to be no escape from it even if you wanted to. Its bad enough that it hounds you at work, at home, even your play/relax time is most likely festooned with some type of techy gadget. The new fangled stuff cooks our food, operates our cars, controls every aspect of your day to day life, now it will even follow you to the grave.
When you go to visit the dear departed in the future you will just hold your cell phone next to the marker and you will be able to see and hear your loved one from beyond the grave.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-20000836-1.html

tomcstone

Mailbag Madness

From time to time we get letters from our customers. Most are people requesting catalogs or placing an order. Some people even send us nice letters letting us know they were happy with their FrightCatalog.com shopping experience. We also get some jail mail.

Then sometimes we get letters like this.

We did the author a favor by editing out his info. I am having a hard time believing that this kid even wants to write this letter. His teacher assigned this homework and he was just banging out a letter to get it done. Are you really hating on sexy costumes? If there are no sexy costumes next Halloween you might as well just cancel it.

Halloween Hotties – Kim Kardashian

So you think you rocked your Halloween costume last year? Well send us your pics and we may post them on our blog. We might even do a Halloween hottie calendar down the road. Of course Kim was looking hot in our Wonder Woman costume this past Halloween.

Send your pics to service@frightcatalog.com if you think you’ve got what it takes.