Wolf Teen Throwdown

Another round of Team Edward vs Team Jacob starts to wind down, and, while I’m ambivalent about Twilight, on principle, the wolf wins. Mainly because teenage wolves (were- or otherwise) are such a rare breed. They didn’t start with Twilight, of course (well, some of us might not know it, but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt), which got me to thinking … what’s the deal with screen teen wolves?

Michael Landon as Tony the Teenage Werewolf

Werewolves and pubescence go together well, actually–of all the monsters, the one where a normal person’s body makes a terrifying, hairy transformation (throw in the detail of transforming once a month, and it’s amazing that so few are girls) makes the most sense as a teen angst allegory. So it’s been done–sometimes well, sometimes not so well. In any event, here are five teenage wolf people who aren’t Jacob:

Tony (Michael Landon), “I Was a Teenage Werewolf” (1957) – In this cult creature feature, Tony, a good-looking rebel who plays by his own rules (sigh) is turned into a werewolf by this mad psychiatrist. It’s actually pretty dark, and not such a bad movie, as far as vintage B-movies go. If ’50s horror isn’t up your alley, try watching the MST3K version.

Michael Jackson as Michael, the teenage werewolf

Michael (Michael Jackson), “Thriller” (1983) - You know Michael Jackson’s retro-’50s werewolf is a teen because he wears a high school letter jacket, so he counts. Unlike Michael the zombie, the werewolf doesn’t dance, and unlike most other screen teen wolves, he transforms into a beast that is actually pretty scary. Thanks to the handiwork of horror makeup master Rick Baker, the transformation was a work of CGI-free art.

Tony (Adam Arkin), “Full Moon High” (1981) – If you don’t recall this early-80s teenage werewolf flick, imagine a “Scary Movie” that sticks with a storyline or a Mel Brooks zany satire of the horror genre (and the “modern society” of the time). It’s not particularly deep or scary, but you could do worse….

Scott (Michael J. Fox), “Teen Wolf” (1985) – Michael J. Fox’s werewolf was typically contrived (not terribly different from his more famous Marty McFly), not scary, and not particularly interesting, but it begat a short-lived TV series in the ’80s, an ’87 sequel starring Jason Bateman, and–wait for it–an upcoming MTV series based on it.

Emily Perkins as Brigitte and Katharine Isabelle as Ginger

Ginger (Katharine Isabelle), “Ginger Snaps” (2000) – I don’t care what anyone says: it was Ginger, not Jacob, who breathed new life into the teen-angst wolf genre. The Canadian cult movie (which has been followed by two wildly different sequels) follows misfit sisters Ginger and Brigitte as they struggle through mid-teendom. There are boys, but don’t look for fantasy teen romance, or a wolf transformation that’s anything less than violent and torturous.

Sexy Fat Bastard.

Apparently “thin is in” doesn’t apply to everyone.

Many of us stare at the super models in magazines and wish to look like the girl…or sleep with her. However, there are some guys out there that would rather roll onto a love handle than a hip bone.

This brings me to the subject of feeder fetish”. In this type of fetish, both members receive sexual arousal and satisfaction as it relates to excessive weight and body fat. The overweight person is happy with his/her weight and wants to gain more. The feeder derives sexual pleasure from feeding their partner large quantities of food and watching as different parts of the body change. They also enjoy sexual pleasure in viewing and/or having sex with various folds of fat on their partners body. Some obese partners describe a fascination with their own fat as it moves from side to side with them.

Check out a video of one feeder couple here.

I say be open to all walks of life. You don’t have to eat ten brownie sundaes to get a taste of this lifestyle…. though it certainly would be delicious. Men, check out our Fat Bastard Costume. He is certainly dead sexy. Women, check out our Tassle Twirling Tessie Costume. Let your body free.

In fact, if you have an open partner… try bouncing around on each other in these sexy get ups and then try to tell me it doesn’t turn you on.

We live in Mc USA. The burger is king in this country. Don’t run away from it. Embrace it! Don’t feel guilty about that pint of Ben n Jerry’s. Dig in! The number of men attracted to large women outnumbers the amount of women who are into it. You could be in demand. Take a lesson from Donna Simpson. She has her own website that men pay membership fees to join in order to watch her eat and gain weight.

Oh hell, why don’t we round up the homeless people and give them a pay site for fat fetishists. We can stop hunger and poverty in one shot. God Bless America.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Disclaimer for the stupid people who do not see the satiric nature of this article: We do not endorse eating massive quantities of food. It is bad for your health. You could suffer serious health problems and/or die. Yes, eating a lot and not exercising increases your risk of death. Google it. However, if you prefer a gallon of ice cream to an apple, who am I to stop you.

Are You Afraid of The Dark?

Even at 26, I am still afraid of the dark. It’s gotten worse since I moved into my own place; I seem to have an uncanny ability to creep myself out when alone at night, especially after watching the ghost hunting shows that are all over cable. It’s amazing how the mind works- the sound of my neighbor playing Wii turns is magically transformed into the moans of a Serial-Killing-Nazi ghost who waits for me to turn my bedside lamp off so it can cut off my feet with a pickaxe. This fear has resulted in not only an expensive electricity bill, but also in my embarrassment when my friends discover the Pirates of the Carribean nightlight that is kept next to my bed.

Boo.

In order to solve this problem, I’ve been on on the hunt for decorative lighting that can double as night lights. This set of Hello Kitty Paper Lanterns is cute and functional- no one has to know its true purpose. Another option is a set of string lights, like this Western Cowboy Party Light set. Not only will my apartment look adorable, but I will be able to fall asleep with knowing that I am fully protected against all ghosts, Nazi or otherwise.

Are you afraid of the dark? Let me know in the comments!

“Kill Me” Elmo

That furry red body, those crazed bug eyes, and that high pitched deceivingly innocent baby voice… it’s just not right I tell you.

I did my research on the little critter we’ve all grown to hate… Sesame Street’s own red devil, Elmo.

Elmo may seem innocent, but we know better. If you remember back in 2006, Elmo caused mass pandemonium with his “Tickle Me Elmo” toy. Christmas is hard enough without adding a hard to get $30 toy to the list. Parents literally almost killed each other to get their hands on this toy. Oh the things we do to appease the monster child. To be fair, perhaps the vibrating red doll didn’t just appeal to children… but that’s a different story.

If the “Tickle Me” craze wasn’t enough to make you hate Elmo, how about his potty training book? I recently came across an article from 2006 that discussed numerous complaints to the company in which the book said “Who wants to die?” instead of “Who wants to try to go potty?”

The name “Elmo” with the letters rearranged spells out “Mole”. This leads to only one conclusion. Elmo is a mole sent to the US by Iraq. They are using him to manipulate children and their parents to get all the Elmo toys/books/etc put in place in every home in America. Once this happens, every ticking time bomb Tickle Me Elmo will go off simultaneously….resulting in most catastrophic terrorist attack the US has never known.

Do not despair! There is hope! People are already starting to fight back…

It’s not too late for you to join the fight! Be proud to be an American!

We have a hero in our midst… and his name is Oscar the Grouch. As we all know, he is the most realistic character on the Sesame Street block. He reflects the modern world as we know it. Together, we shall rise out of our trash cans of idealism and shaded reality and fight for America. Start practicing today with the Elmo Pull String Pinata.

May the red, white, and blue be with you!

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Disclaimer: There is no proven link between Sesame Street or Elmo and Terrorism against America…just strange documented events that I’ve strung together to create something that probably isn’t there. Sesame Street please do not sue Fright Catalog. We know not what we do. This article is for entertainment purposes only… and the mass selling of your Elmo Pinatas.

Public Display of Awesome

Photo via MSNBC, John Koster / AP

So far, this has been a pretty shark-filled summer here on the East Coast, from the Great White sightings off the coast of Massachusetts to the multiple water evacuations on the Jersey shore. In California, shark sightings are less uncommon; the coolest one of the year? This renegade papier-mache sculptural enhancement to a bronze surfer called “Magic Carpet Ride” in Cardiff-by-the Sea. The city’s calling it a prank (but not vandalism, since the statue wasn’t damaged), since the brilliant and apparently unknown artists installed it overnight. How kickass is that? Night Shark! (Via @weirdnews)

PS–Want to dress up like the shark art? Fright Catalog actually has a costume for that…

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Please Kill Me

Sexy Chucky Adult Costume

Sexy Ms Voorhees Adult Costume

Ms Krueger Naughty Nightmare Adult Costume

Halloween. Women seem to find this holiday that one time of year where they can dress like the slut version of their favorite character. I wonder if that’s what Disney had in mind when they made Snow White and Aladdin. Any way you slice it, men love it. No one’s complaining. However, I want to toss a you a bone… or three.

Hear me out:

Men are attracted to strong women who could possibly rip their throats out and eat it for lunch. I’m stating this based on experience. Instead of being scantily clad in a crowd of scantily clad, stand out and separate yourself. Naughty cops and sexy maids are so cliche. Close your eyes and go back to a time when horror movies were horror movies and the villains never died. Jason, Freddy, Chucky: Those were names to fear. These monsters gave me many sleepless nights…and now those sleepless nights can be yours to give.

Now we can live out our serial killer fantasies…in a safe, insane, consensual way. Don’t lie to yourself, you know you’ve had at least one. Now when you turn off the lights it can be you that will be bumpin’ in the night. My whole M.O. in life is to make sure that you have the best sex possible. Let down your guard and trust me on this. Maybe I’m a bit twisted to imagine how Jason would be in bed, but hockey jerseys are sexy and machetes make your heart race. Put those two together and on on a chick? I’m putty in your hands.

At Frightcatalog.com we have your sexy, your funny, your scary, and your heart pounding horrifying. The choice is yours. Whatever you pick to wear is your alter ego for the night. When you slip on a costume you can’t help but get completely into character. Don’t forget, a little bit of blood goes a long way. Don’t be afraid to get dirty… it’s a trophy of your stack of victims.

Check out our deliciously evil costumes and knock em dead. Literally.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

3 Steps Instant Popularity

Are you socially awkward? Does your pocket protector double as a cock blocker? Do you get about as much sunlight a day as Oprah’s minge? Is what you first look for in the opposite sex a flirty come hither username? Does your idea of daily exercise consist of walking up and down the stairs of your parents house to get chips/use the bathroom/etc?

If you answered yes to any and all of these questions, this article is for you!

First Step to Popularity:

Confidence: Talk about what you know. When you talk about what you know, you appear more lively and confident, as well as intelligent.

For Example: Take the fascinating and expansive world that you escape to every night….the World of Warcraft.

Now that you have your subject matter and confidence… Let’s go on to Step # 2: Fashion.

Trend Setter: Everyone is always on the search for the next new trend in fashion. Lady Gaga is on the forefront of fashion as we know it today. She’s a bit strange and futuristic…and people are eating it up. So it’s time to toss aside those tattered old Star Trek t’s. Instead, opt for something more daring, while wearing it with confidence. If Gaga can do it, why can’t you?

Ex. Check out this model on the runway sporting Warcraft-esque fashion. Would any woman kick this guy out of bed? The sunken Edward Cullen-like cheeks and living dead facial expression may add a little more sex appeal to the uber chic fur poncho but that can be easily remedied for your needs. This brings us to the final step…

Step number 3:

Your face:

World of Warcraft – Forsaken Mask – Adult

Hours upon hours of staring at computer screen and consuming nothing but pizza and soda may leave you bug eyed, pale, and greasy. The fur poncho, or suit of anatomically correct armor (your preference of course) may correct and sexify the pizza belly. However, your face can not be cured over night. But not to fear! We at frightcatalog.com have your solution to babe scoring bliss. To complete your bad ass new look, top your face with one of our many warcraft warrior masks.

Wear your mask with confidence and pride. You won’t be invisible anymore. People will stare from afar, intimidated by your confidence and style. Do not be ashamed to wear your mask! Women find the mystery of a man in a mask incredibly sexy. Their imagination will run wild. All the greatest legends have worn masks…Batman, Iron Man, Spiderman, and now you….Warcraft Man.

May the force be with you.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

15 Most Outrageous Costume Controversies

15 examples of how when people get dressed up it can cause a lot of trouble.

Nothing is more fun than costumes. Whether you’re dressed up for Halloween or just attending your friend’s costume party, it’s always a blast to pretend to be someone or something else for a little while. But while dressing up is generally a harmless act, anything taken too far is never a good thing. As a general rule of thumb, the less controversial your costume, the better. Here are 15 costumes that decided to throw caution to the wind and wound up offending, annoying and pissing people off.

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