Happy 9.02.10

Today is September 2nd, 2010 – or 90210! Since this is truly a once in a lifetime event, and even though I NEVER watched the show back in the ’90s [cough!], it’s worth having some fun with it.

Click ... if you dare

Remember the classic Halloween episode where Kelly almost gets raped at the costume party, but Brenda and Donna saved the day? OK, I had to Google it, but I do remember it–and the costumes, from Steve’s Zorro, Donna’s mermaid, and the sleazy cowboy.

Fall Love

Fall is my favorite season. I never understood the love for summer, unless you love to be hot, sweaty, and surrounded by insects for 3 months. Winter is freezing, and spring is muddy, wet, and allergy-ridden. Fall, however, is the perfect combination of all the seasons. Here are my top reasons why I love fall:

1. Sweaters: Not only do they hide the bumps and other imperfections that are so apparent in summer clothing, but they are soft as hell, too.

2. Apples: What could be more versatile? You can make apple pie, apple cake, baked apples, or just eat them right off the branch (my favorite way).

3. Halloween: Candy and costumes. Enough said.

4. Pretty leaves: Green is boring. I like my trees in shades of orange, red, and yellow.

5. Horror Movies: Cable television is chock full of movie marathons and countdowns of your favorite spooky films. My favorite is Nightmare on Elm Street.

Sookie…wtf? a Fairy?

It’s my favorite day of the week (and yours t00): TRUE BLOOD SUNDAY!

Nymph Spring Costume

I have about four episodes to catch up on so don’t spoil my thought process if you’ve been watching all along. The last I saw, our beloved Sookie had awoken from a dreamlike state where she was surrounded by light and fairy type beings. The darkness that came over and scared these nymph creatures away was none other then Bill Compton. I got the impression that Sookie’s unexplained powers are going to be attributed to her being a fairy. The fairies want her to come to their life and leave the dark Bill. Will Sookie stay with Bill? Will she go into the light instead? Is she REALLY a freakin fairy? What KIND of fairy is she anyway? A Tooth Fairy? (that would be rather ironic since she’s dealing with vampire teeth on a daily basis).

All these questions may have been answered in the last few episodes I’ve missed. But whatever.

Tooth Fairy Plus Adult Costume

It will be pretty lame if Sookie is a fairy. We’ve already got wolves and vampires. We really don’t need to throw fairies into the mix. Additionally, the whole dream scene was a little cheesy for my tastes. And who the hell would want to live in magical fairy land when you’ve got two super hot vampires fighting over you in real life? Sook even caught the eye of one super hot wolf dude. Sookie WAKE UP. Is this really even a decision for you? Corny happy singing goody goody fairies or dirty blood splattered vampire sex. Come on now. Come to the dark side Sook, it tastes better over here.

Side note: WHY are two rediculously delicious vampires fighting over this plain blond waitress anyway? They clearly haven’t heard of me. Yes, I am jealous. So what? Sook… or Anna… or whatever you want to be called… I think it’s time you find your way back to Wolverine and the other X-men. Leave these bad little vampires to me. Oh, that vampire queen… leave her too. Rolling Stone will have to make a new and improved cover once I let them sink their teeth into me. Mmmmmmmmmm

I love True Blood!!!!!!!

*Your Halloween Harlot*

We have a Situation: Jersey Gore.

Pauly D, The Situation, JWOWW, and Snooki.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where these have become familiar names in household and internet discussions.

I’ve come up with something better. This is the possible future of the cast if they continue their guido ways…

Let me introduce you to the new and improved fist pumping cast of the Frightcatalog reality blog: Jersey Gore.

The Situation

Frankenstein Mask

When The Situation talks, people can’t help but stare. He walks around making strange choppy hand and arm movements and coupled with random facial spasms. Frankenstein is sort of a given in this particular “situation”.

JWOWW

Plastic Young Female Translucent Mask

JWOWW… This wasn’t hard. With all the plastic parts on this broad, we figure she can’t really age…

DJ Pauly D

Devil Skull Mask

DJ Pauly D. Two words: Blow. Out. Continuous hair gel applications will do a number on your scalp. Additionally, all those tanning bed visits may leave his skin a bit parched. Make sure you moisturize Pauly!

Snooki

Bearded Lady Mask

Finally: Snooki. She’d really like to have you think her nationality is Italian. However, any true Italian knows what beautiful young Italian girls turn into when they get older. Snook, if you want to play the part… do your research!

Finally, Don’t forget your orange glow. It creates that perfect radioactive orange tan look that keeps the rest of society envious. It could possibly help you land a hit TV show as well.

– Sincerely,

Your Halloween Harlot.

Back to Ghoul

Rebel School Girl Costume

It’s that time of year again–time to get back to class! Here are some back-to-school goodies to munch on:

Skull and Crossbones Pencils

Homework is scary. Do it with these cool black skull-and-crossbones pencils.

Apple Purse

An apple for the teacher — a little sycophantic. An apple to hold your makeup and snacks? Nice.

Red and White Superfan Kit

Enjoy annoying classmates with your extreme school spirit? Do it up right with the Superfan Kit (different colors available).

Oh cheer up, kids! Back to school means Halloween will be here before we know it!

Costume Craze

As summer winds down, it’s time to start thinking about what to be for Halloween. I’ve been going back and forth about what to be, so maybe you guys can help me out. Here are my possible costume ideas.

Early-90s Female Stand Up Comic- This is probably the simplest of my ideas. Basically, I’d need a big, ugly shirt and vest from Goodwill, pleated mom jeans, sneakers, and a microphone. I would spend the night making jokes about PMS and having too many cats.

Sexy Link- I find the “sexy” versions of normal costumes to be hilarious, e.g. Sexy Cat, Sexy Bunny, etc. A few years ago, I put a spin on the idea by dressing up as a sexy version of a decidedly unsexy animal, and made a Sexy Lobster costume. This costume would basically be a feminine take on Link from the NES classic, Legend of Zelda.

Dancing Red Shoes: To go along with my fascination with terrifying children’s tales, I would dress up as the main character of the Hans Christian Andersen classic. Basically, the gist of the story is that this chick wears red shoes to church, pisses off the Big Dude in the Sky, and is cursed to dance in them forever. This leads to some pretty gnarly wounds to the girl’s feet. She eventually has to have the town executioner cut off her feet and fashion her a set made from wood. This costume would require a ripped up and stained old-timey dress, red shoes, plenty of fake blood, and some fake stitches around my ankles (as if my feet were reattached).

What do you think? Let me know your own ideas in the comments.

Halloween Night Event: The Walking Dead

AMC wants to be on your Halloween night schedule, hoping folks will follow the evening’s celebration in front of the TV, for the premiere of the long-awaited “Walking Dead” series at 10:00 PM.

Click to Watch the Official HQ Walking Dead Trailer!

My initial reaction, honestly, was that October 31st seems kind of late. I was hoping the show would launch earlier in the month, though I’m not sure where I got the idea that it would. Then the question: is the target demo going to be home in front the TV on Halloween night? The show is anticipated enough that a lot of people will make sure to be now, but it’s not on everyone’s radar yet. Of course, I say that before they’ve blitzed the trailer during “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad.”

In any event, it’s a Sunday night; the biggest parties will be going on Friday and Saturday. Actually, the more I think about it, the timing sounds just about right: prepare the feast, do trick-or-treats, visit the neighborhood haunted house, and cap off the night with “The Walking Dead” premiere. Not bad!

Of course, this is all the more reason to have a zombie theme this year–and naturally Fright Catalog has all sorts of props, costumes, and zombie accessories for the big day!

Alligators in the Sewers

Not so fast, Snopes — the New York Daily News reported yesterday that a 2-foot baby alligator was found under a car after a storm in Astoria, Queens, followed by another larger alligator found in Brooklyn. An Argentine tegu and a “very large” iguana were also found in the NYC area within the same 24 hour period.

Baby Alligator Costume

Coincidence, or evil reptilian aliens attempting to take over New York? Only time will tell.

Hot Blood Splattered Vampire Sex.

In honor of True Blood Sundays.

If the title didn’t get your attention, this full size picture should:

The Joy of Vampire Sex: ‘True Blood’ on Rolling Stone’s Latest Cover

This is probably one of the most awesome Stone covers ever. The only thing that would have made it better would be if they replaced a lame Sookie with a naked blood soaked Halloween Harlot. We can’t all be perfect though.

Anyway, here’s the plan. This picture has inspired me to throw a hot vampire orgy sex party (even if it’s just in my head).

First step: Invite sexy vampire friends (remember: you MUST invite them in) All pre-party fang re-vamping can be done here. Also invite a flock of Fang-Bangers for food supply.

Second step: Provide mood lighting and ample beverages.

Skeleton Hand Wine Glass

Sample Beverage List:

BLOODY MARY (what’s a vampire party without a classic bloody?)

INGREDIENTS: 1 part Vodka, Tomato juice, splash of Tabasco, a splash of Worchester, a little horseradish, a slice of lime
INSTRUCTIONS: Mix Vodka and Tomato juice and serve over ice with a splash of Tabasco, a splash of Worchester sauce. Mix in a little horseradish if you want a little more of a kick. Place a slice of lime on the rim.

SERVING GLASS: Tall glass.GARNISH: Celery Stick

BLOOD OF A VIRGIN

INGREDIENTS: 2 parts vodka, 3 parts bourbon, 1 part red wine, 3 drops of virgin blood
INSTRUCTIONS: Mix all ingredients in a blender and heat over an open flame for 20 minutes. Serve with extreme caution!

SERVING GLASS: Wine glass or hurricane glassGARNISH: 3 cherries

RED DEATH

INGREDIENTS: Amaretto, Southern Comfort, Sloe Gin, Orange Juice, Vodka, Triple Sec, Lime Juice
INSTRUCTIONS: Mix one part of each in a cocktail mixer with ice. Strain into shot glasses (or serve over ice if you want to get trashed faster)
Goes down like fruit punch… be warned!

SERVING GLASS: Shot Glasses
GARNISH: None


 

Third Step: Cover furniture/floors in saran wrap a la Dexter style.

Fourth Step: Get everyone drunk and naked and covered in blood…. and  proceed with vampire sex orgy.

I mean. It’s so simple that even a Jason Stackhouse could do it.

Enjoy.