After a horrible week, I decided to spend my Friday night relaxing with a bottle of white zinfandel and my favorite cast of ethic stereotypes on the Jersey Shore. I had been lax in keeping up with this season- somehow watching a bunch of people talk about tanning is seen as less worthwhile than doing homework. After a 4 hour marathon, I am finally caught up, and I have a few observations I would like to share.
1. Smash vs Smush: At first, I thought that these terms were interchangeable. However, I have learned that “smushing” is done with someone who is “wife/husband material” and smashing is done only with sluts. An important distinction!
2. The only difference between “grenades” and “hot girls” is based solely on their willingness to touch a boner, not physical attractiveness.
3. There is a “G” in “sandwich”.
4. If you want to become wife or husband material, you must: 1. Be from Eastern Europe or Latin America, 2. Have interests outside of wearing stretch jersey and binge drinking, and 3. Buy your paramour something desirable, such as a Fossil watch. However,
5. If you buy a girl a Fossil watch, she will not have sex with you. Talk about a Catch-22!
6. Uncle Nino.
7. Pads and tampons are the same thing, especially if they belong “a dirty little hamster”.
8. J-Woww’s boobs do not follow the laws of physics.
9. Getting into a fistfight is an acceptable way to say goodbye.
10. “Tan” is an ethnicity.