On September 19, an eBay seller by the name of Jack Mord put up an auction for a photo that he claimed would prove Nicolas Cage is a â€œvampire.â€ The photo, which can be seen below, clearly depicts a Civil War-era individual who closely resembles the actor Nicolas Cage. (Now there’s an original idea for Halloween costumes: Vampiric Nicolas Cage.)
â€œPersonally, I believe itâ€™s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, etcetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so,” wrote Jack Mord on the eBay posting. “150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult or a talk show host.â€
The auction has since been taken down, but the photo was previously on sale for more than $1,000,000. The seller Jack Mord claimed that the photo was originally taken by Professor G.B. Smith, who, apparently, was a Confederate photographer that specialized in photographing prisoners of war during the Civil War.
â€œMy theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point,â€ wrote seller Jack Mord. â€œMaybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor â€˜Nicolas Cageâ€™ will â€˜dieâ€™â€¦ but in reality, the undead vampire â€˜Nicolas Cageâ€™ will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over.â€
Mord ended the auction by writing, â€œAny serious potential buyer will be allowed to have a photo expert of their choice examine the original photograph before any money changes hands.â€
As someone who has yet to appreciate a single Nicolas Cage movie after Conair, I really, really hope that he chooses a different career path next time. One simply has to look at this compilation of movie scenes of him freaking out to see why he needs not to be a movie actor. (Caution: Lots and lots of swears.)