Hump Day Horrors: Wife Cooks Husband, Boy Locked In Coffin

The world is full of horrors worse than the darkest horror movie. People murder, kill, steal, starve, scream for help until their lungs bleed, only to have their life snuffed out as quickly as a candle. To help you get past hump day and on with decorating your house with Halloween props, or whatever, here are two horrific stories that recently hit the newsstands:


Boy Locked In Coffin

Tuesday, October 4, police started a search for the parents who locked their 7-year-old boy in a coffin in the basement of their house. According to the boy’s statements, being was often locked in the coffin with nothing more than a diaper. The diaper was for if the boy escaped the coffin, since there was no bathroom in the basement. To heighten the fear, the parents told the boy that the basement was haunted by ghosts, and would often rattle chains outside the coffin.

Neighbors called the police when they heard the boy shouting. When the police arrived, the boy was alone, crying because he was hungry.

We’re trying to locate the mom and step-dad to serve these warrants, but at this point we don’t know where they’re at, said Detective Captain Al Leoncini. The warrants are for endangering the welfare of a child and unlawful restraint.


Wife Cooks Husband

In 1991, a woman tied up her newlywed husband, killed him, chopped up his body, and then churned it through a garbage disposal. Neighbors claimed they heard the disposal running for hours. When police discovered the husband’s body, they found his hands had been fried in oil, his head boiled and stuffed in the freezer, and various body parts either in garbage bags or mixed with leftover turkey.

A psychiatrist was brought in to testify that the wife had confessed to cooking her husband’s ribs barbecue-style and tasting them…

He’ll never be late for dinner again!

The wife claimed that her husband frequently sexually abused and raped her. In defense, she stabbed him with scissors, and then did all of the previously mentioned things. She also contacted two of her other boyfriends to help remove the husband’s teeth and dispose of the remains.

Now the wife is seeking parole from her 25-years-to-life sentence. Will she get it? I sure hope not, especially when the attorney defending the wife claimed that she chopped up her husband in an effort to avoid meeting him in the afterlife in accordance with Egyptian mythology.

Yeah, no thanks, let’s pass on the whole parole thing.

Top Five Controversial Costumes for 2011 Halloween

Halloween is a dark, twisted holiday, one that requires equally dark and twisted Halloween costumes. Some people turn to morbid costumes that depict zombies or other ghouls, but there are others that love to push the edge of social acceptance. For those edgy individuals, here’s a list of the top controversial costumes for 2011 Halloween.

Anna Rexia

Anna Rexia

This bodacious bombshell of a costume comes equipped with loads of controversy. As the name hints, this costume embodies anorexia nervosa you know, the eating disorder that leads to more deaths than any other mental disorder. Of course, if you glanced at it quickly, you would think its a sexy skeleton costume, not an eating disorder. Outside of the name, there isnt much to be offended about. It really depends on whether you can stomach the joke.

Illegal Alien

Illegal Alien

Immigrant activists were not too happy with this grey-skinned, orange jumpsuit-wearing extraterrestrial. Take a gander at the item in his hand: a green card. When this costume came under criticism, William Gheen, president of Americans for Legal Immigration, said, The only people getting upset are the hyper-sensitive, over-politically correct, pro-amnesty, illegal alien-supporting nuts. Yup, this costume definitely reeks of controversy. Perfect!

Kung Fool

Kung Fool

Equipped with loads of negative stereotypes, the Kung Fool costume has come under heavy attention of various Asian-American groups, who openly declare this costume as racist. I mean, it doesn’t take a genius to see all of those stereotypes. They’re right there displayed in latex that easily fits over your head and allows for comfortable breathing. Just be careful not to run into someone who knows actual Kung Fu. They may kick your ass.

Vato Loco

Vato Loco

Ah, Vato Loco, the crazy mask that spawned so much controversy within the Latino community. Honestly, what can we say about Vato Loco? We created it! One only has to look at the mask to see why someone would get angry teardrop, spider web tattoo, bandanna, and the list goes on and on. Similar to the Kung Fool costume, this one was called out for being racist and reinforcing negative stereotypes. We’ll let you be the judge.

Child Terrorist

Child Terrorist

This costume is exploding with controversial potential! Get it? Exploding with controversial potential the kids wearing a vest of explosives. No? Still don’t get it? Here, let me explain further: its a child wearing an explosive vest. Still don’t get it? Hm, let me try one more time: child, explosive vest, your familys dead. Are we getting through to you? Great, I thought the terrorists won for a moment there.

It’s October! Time to step up the decorations.

I’ll do a more extensive post later, but I wanted to kick off this Monday with some phenomenal Halloween decorations. Specifically, this picture:

halloween image

“I used contact paper, tissue paper and modge podge for the eyes,” said the creator of this design. “I used cardboard, black paint, and duct tape for the rest! You can’t see them from the inside of the house because there are curtains behind them.”

Ah, Halloween is definitely on its way, and I cannot wait to see more of these pictures. If you want to showcase your designs, drop us a comment.

The Unintentionally Racist Ice Cream Cone

On September 28, 2011, CNN reported that a Florida ice cream shop had to scrap its ice cream cone mascot because passers-by thought it looked like a man dressed in a Ku Klux Klan outfit.

If you are wondering what the costume looked like, we actually sell it as in, we sold it to this ice cream store. Hilarious, yes, and we’re quite proud that one of our Halloween costumes can attract so much attention, even if it is accidental. (We’re thinking of renaming it the Unintentionally Racist Ice Cream Cone.) Anyway, here’s the picture that we showcase:

racist ice cream costume

Her smile seeps racism.

Nothing wrong there, right? The costume features an oversized vanilla ice cream cone with sprinkles on top absolutely nothing racist. Unless, of course, you were standing in the sun all day and the cone began to sag, causing it to look more like the iconic image of a hooded Ku Klux Klan member.

The Florida store first noticed an issue when they saw a drop in business. But no matter how hard they searched, they could not find the problem. Eventually, customers called the store and yelled at them to take the mascot off the streets.

We were just trying to get people to come in, said Jasmine Gonzalez, store employee. We thought it was something fun for people, but eventually people took it the wrong way.

If you want a costume that is both appropriate for children and inappropriate for being accidentally racist, give this ice cream costume a swing.

Dr. Sleep: Stephen King Announces Sequel to The Shining

Unless you absolutely have no taste in horror, you have heard of, seen, or read The Shining, one of Stephen Kings most popular of novels. Hell, even if you’ve read the book or watched the movie, lets just go ahead and revisit the scary axe scene, because its simply that good:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TVooUHN7j4

Sends shivers up my spine. Anyway, Stephen King, the proclaimed master of horror, announced on September 26, 2011, that he is creating a sequel to The Shining, titled Dr. Sleep. The story follows Danny Torrance, the five-year-old from The Shining, now in his 40s. Danny uses his extraordinary powers to help terminally ill patients easily pass away, and that’s all we know so far.

Here’s Stephen reading an excerpt from the novel-in-work:

Obviously, the novel is still in the writing/editing process, so we can only wait and hope it lives up to its predecessors success. Stephen King has delivered so many bestselling novels by now that one more should not be an issue. We’ll just have to wait and see!

How To Tell If You Are Becoming An Undead

The zombie apocalypse is going to happen. Theres no point denying it. To ensure that you’re mentally prepared, we created this trusty list of zombie symptoms.

First, lets look at what is not a zombie: a Wal-Mart shopper.

He wants to eat your sales.

There he is all of his wide-mouthed glory spewing into the world worse than an open wound. Somewhere inside that tanned, leathery bag of skin, past those fabulously white short-shorts, is a heartbeat that clings to life like a man falling over a cliff.

This, on the other hand, is the undead:

Very similar, but the dead body gives it away.

Note: With Halloween being so close, keep an eye on those individuals wearing zombie costumes. Zombies are cunning, mindless creatures, who could easily utilize Halloween’s allowance of undead paraphernalia as an opportunity to strike. One minute you’re handing out candy to trick-or-treaters, then those trick-or-treaters are running off with your hands.

Here are some signs and symptoms one may experience during his or her transformation into an undead abomination:

Eye crusties.

Lesions.

Facial gross stuff.

Poor taste in music.

Consumption of human flesh.

And racism.

If you see someone showing any of these signs or symptoms, be careful – you may be dealing with a zombie, or a total douchebag.

Humans Have Invisible Stripes

Blaschkos lines, also known as the Lines of Blaschko, are invisible lines that run all along a humans body. Your face, head, back, arms, legs right now, as you read these words are covered with these invisible lines, which come in all sorts of shapes, patterns, and designs. (These are not Halloween costumes – this is as real as it gets.)

Your back, for example, is covered with V shaped lines, much like the one observed in this photo:

blaschkos lines

Typically, your chest, stomach, and sides have S shaped lines, while your head is covered in wavy patterns of Blaschkos lines. However, some individuals simply have blobs or patches, not lines. Since the lines or blobs are usually invisible, there is no definite way to determine what kind of patterns your Blaschkos lines follow. You just have to hope you have something awesome.

There are skin conditions and disorders that cause the lines to be visible. Again, the actual patterns and lines that become visible can vary greatly. Some individuals have intense cases, so their body actually looks striped like a zebra or tiger. There are others who only have a few spots on their ankle, arm, or shin. (If I had my way, I would have some visible lines. It would be like a tattoo unique just for me.)

Blaschkos lines

Typical line patterns.

No one has yet to figure out why these lines form, or what purpose they serve. Alfred Blaschko, the man that discovered the lines in 1901, proposed that the lines had an embryonic origin, but he could not elaborate any further. He simply discovered them, proved through numerous clinical trials that the lines were there, and then left it for someone else to figure out possibly due to a lack of technical advancement.

Blaschkos lines

Variations of line patterns.

If you know someone that has visible lines, let us know what they think.

Keanu Reeves: Because Why The Hell Not?

Since we had discussed Nicolas Cages vampirism yesterday, it only seems fit to disprove a similar rumor that revolves around Keanu Reeves.

The Internet is an eternal rumor mill that can easily alter one’s life, either for better or worse. Glenn Beck, for example, was the receiver of the Internets attention when this question was brought forward: Did Glenn Beck rape and murder a young girl in 1990? So many individuals began to Google this question that Glenn Beck murder was the #1 search suggestion for anyone typing in Glenn Beck.

If you type Keanu Reeves into Google’s search bar, Keanu Reeves immortal is the third suggested search, and here’s why:

That is Paul Mounet, born in 1847, who became a doctor and a professional French actor. Mounet starred in numerous films, plays, and movies, building for himself a very prominent career as an actor. Mounet died of heart disease in 1922, but the Internet has taken upon itself to say that this fact is actually false. Mounet’s body, numerous websites claim, was never found after his death, which, combined with his resemblance to Keanu, can only mean that Mounet is actually Keanu, who is immortal. (We need to start a new line of Halloween costumes that specialize in obscure celebrity rumors.)

Right, because thats not an illogical leap at all. Two pictures look alike and people are all of sudden claiming that the individual has found the fountain of youth, forever living and aging and blessing us average humans with their immortal presence.

I’ll just leave this here:

paul mounet

And yes, Keanu does have a remarkable resistance to aging, especially for someone living in a career field as stressful as acting. One only has to look at the picture below to see how little life’s worries have affected his skin complexion. Someone needs to find his secret and inform the rest of us.

Its clearly obvious that Keanu is not an immortal being, since his skin does show small signs of aging. Unless, of course, the immortal trait is only an effect of a larger issue! But what could possibly allow one to age, yet also allow them to regain their youthfulness whenever desired? I might have to go ask vampire Nicolas Cage about that one.

eBay Seller Claims Nicolas Cage is a Vampire

On September 19, an eBay seller by the name of Jack Mord put up an auction for a photo that he claimed would prove Nicolas Cage is a vampire. The photo, which can be seen below, clearly depicts a Civil War-era individual who closely resembles the actor Nicolas Cage. (Now there’s an original idea for Halloween costumes: Vampiric Nicolas Cage.)

Personally, I believe its him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, etcetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so,” wrote Jack Mord on the eBay posting. “150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult or a talk show host.

vampire cage

The original photo.

The auction has since been taken down, but the photo was previously on sale for more than $1,000,000. The seller Jack Mord claimed that the photo was originally taken by Professor G.B. Smith, who, apparently, was a Confederate photographer that specialized in photographing prisoners of war during the Civil War.

My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, wrote seller Jack Mord. Maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor Nicolas Cage will die but in reality, the undead vampire Nicolas Cage will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over.

nicolas cage

The actual Nicolas Cage.

Mord ended the auction by writing, Any serious potential buyer will be allowed to have a photo expert of their choice examine the original photograph before any money changes hands.

As someone who has yet to appreciate a single Nicolas Cage movie after Conair, I really, really hope that he chooses a different career path next time. One simply has to look at this compilation of movie scenes of him freaking out to see why he needs not to be a movie actor. (Caution: Lots and lots of swears.)

Run For Your Lives: A 5k Obstacle Course Race With Zombies

Combining the excitement of marathon races and zombies, Run For Your Lives is an intensely unique experience that is sure to get your blood pumping.

At the core of Run For Your Lives are the basic marathon rules. There is a start, a finish, obstacles, multiple routes that you can follow, and competing racers. However, unlike a typical marathon, there are two additional factors: zombies and flag belts.

Every runner is given a flag belt with attached flags, similar to the kind worn during flag football. These flags indicate your health. The job of the individuals dressed in zombie costumes is to snatch away those flags. When all of your flags are gone, you die, and you are disqualified from the race. But fear not there are health packages hidden throughout the course that will help keep you alive.

Completion of the race, including the twelve man-made and natural obstacles, entitles you to the post-race awards, which include:

  • One free beer.
  • Admittance into the Apocalypse Party.
  • Advanced training for the actual Zombie Apocalypse.
  • Medals signifying your survival of the race (or zombie transformation).
  • Racing bib.
  • Warwear performance tee.

The race is split between the age categories of 14 to 19, 20 to 29, 30 to 39, and 40 and older. There is also a separate military division for those truly hardcore individuals that want a real challenge. The top three men and top three women of each winning division will be invited back to play parts as the lead zombies for the next obstacle race. You can go from winning the race to destroying those that want to win.

Here are the dates and locations for upcoming events:

  • Baltimore, October 22, 2011
  • Atlanta, March 3, 2012
  • Boston, May 5, 2012
  • Indianapolis, June 23, 2012
  • Seattle/Portland, August 4, 2012
  • San Diego/Los Angeles, October 20, 2012
  • Austin, December 15, 2012