On September 19, an eBay seller by the name of Jack Mord put up an auction for a photo that he claimed would prove Nicolas Cage is a “vampire.” The photo, which can be seen below, clearly depicts a Civil War-era individual who closely resembles the actor Nicolas Cage. (Now there’s an original idea for Halloween costumes: Vampiric Nicolas Cage.)
“Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, etcetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so,” wrote Jack Mord on the eBay posting. “150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult or a talk show host.”
The auction has since been taken down, but the photo was previously on sale for more than $1,000,000. The seller Jack Mord claimed that the photo was originally taken by Professor G.B. Smith, who, apparently, was a Confederate photographer that specialized in photographing prisoners of war during the Civil War.
“My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point,” wrote seller Jack Mord. “Maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor ‘Nicolas Cage’ will ‘die’… but in reality, the undead vampire ‘Nicolas Cage’ will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over.”
Mord ended the auction by writing, “Any serious potential buyer will be allowed to have a photo expert of their choice examine the original photograph before any money changes hands.”
As someone who has yet to appreciate a single Nicolas Cage movie after Conair, I really, really hope that he chooses a different career path next time. One simply has to look at this compilation of movie scenes of him freaking out to see why he needs not to be a movie actor. (Caution: Lots and lots of swears.)