Category Archives: Halloween Unexplained

Warm Bodies: Like Twilight, but with Zombies

Let’s get this out of the way: I don’t read romance novels. I find the whole genre to be a plague upon all good and great things within the world. Before Twilight, for example, vampires and werewolves were fearsome creatures who stalked the night and tore bodies to pieces, not melodramatic teenagers who skipped math class to make out. (Don’t worry, we still stock the hardcore vampire costumes.)

But Twilight is a singular occurrence, right? Vampires and werewolves are the only ones to have felt the soft, seductive hands of the romance genre, right? I mean, theres no way someone could write a financially successful romance novel about, say, a zombie, right?

Wrong.

This is where I introduce you to Warm Bodies, a zombie romance novel.

warm bodies2

The book.

Heres the plot, according to Wikipedia:

R is a zombie. After a zombie apocalypse, he slowly moves through an America made up of collapsed buildings, rusted cars, shattered glass, and hollowed-out high-rises. He can speak only in grunts and simple syllables and craves human brains to get high on the memories they contain. After eating the brain of a suicidal teen, R is overcome with love for the teen’s companion, Julie Grigio. R rescues Julie from certain death by his zombie pack and takes her back to his lair. She eventually leaves, and R follows her to back to Citi Stadium, the largest remaining human habitation.

Somehow, the book has earned enough attention to garnish a film adaptation, which is expected to hit theaters this year. While I applaud the concept of zombies eating human brains to get high off memories, I cannot express any joy toward this novel or film. Zombies are the over-milked fad of recent years, and now the genre comes face-to-face with romance.

warm bodies

The movie.

If anything, lets hope this movie kills the zombie fad and we can move onto the next horror icon to become popular, whored out, and then mixed with romance.

UFO Crash Site on the Bottom of the Ocean?

On June 19, 2011, at approximately 285 feet below the surface of the Botnia Gulf, a team of treasure hunters, known as Ocean Explorer, discovered what appears to be a 60-foot disc. In addition, there looks to be a 985-foot impact trail leading to the location of the disc. Peter Lindberg, the leader of Ocean Explorer, said, You see a lot of weird stuff in this job, but during my 18 years as a professional I have never seen anything like this. The shape is completely round…a circle.

baltic ufo

The sonar image of the disc and the trail leading towards it.

Ocean Explorer is not a group of individuals who search for UFO remnants they are treasure hunters. In 1997, they found the sunken ship J nk ping, which was loaded with roughly 2,500 bottles of champagne. Each bottle was sold for $13,000. Obviously, Ocean Explorer is in the treasure hunting business to make money, not find potential crashed alien sites.

But the question remains: what is this thing?

If this was a manmade object, one can easily guess that the creator would have tried to retrieve it, especially if it was a government creation. If it was an individual project, without government funding, it also seems strange that one would blow enough money to create the 60-foot disc object, but not enough to retrieve the object. This easily leads one to believe that the object does not come from this world, like it is something from a Predator movie.

Peter Lindberg is not spending the money to retrieve the object, because he believes it would be nothing more than a new Stonehenge – not worth the money to retrieve it. As an alien buff, I can only hope that some other entrepreneur comes forward to surface this strange 60-foot disc.

Cyclopia

If you are anything like me, you are absolutely fascinated by things in jars of blue-green liquid. It could be a grapefruit, a fish skeleton, or, in this case of the image below, an infant born with cyclopia. Sure, it should be grotesque it’s a dead baby in a vat of liquid – but I find it absolutely astonishing to observe. It’s why I keep a fetal pig in a candy jar on my desk. But let’s talk this image over, let’s observe what is actually happening here.


Child_with_Cyclopia


To skip getting bogged down in heavy scientific terms, cyclopia is a birth defect where the eyes fail to divide into two cavities. Thus, the birthed individual has only one eye, similar to a cyclops which is where the name stems from, I suppose. In addition, the face is often missing or replaced with a non-functioning nose. The non-functioning nose (as seen in the picture, to the bottom-right of the face) is a proboscis, also known as a feeding tube. While cyclopia is extremely rare, there are some preserved babies in medical museums.

Animals are also known to suffer from cyclopia. The current amount of affected animals is approximately 1 in 16,000 – so, extremely rare. But it is not unheard of, as evident by the following 1665 quote by a man describing a colt affected by cyclopia:

First, That it had no sign of any Nose in the usual place, nor had it any, in any other place of the Head, unless the double Bagg CC that grew out of the midst of the forehead, were some rudiment of it. Next, That the two Eyes were united into one Double Eye which was placed just in the middle of the Brow.

In addition, below you will find a picture of a kitten born with cyclopia. The kitten was born on December 28, 2005, and died one day after birth. Even with its one black eye, it is too cute for words.

One eyed cat

If only they put it in a jar…

Edward Mordrake and Pasqual Pinon: The Original Two-Faces

Born in the 19th century, Edward Mordrake was a man of many faces, literally. According to pictures and various accounts, Edward Mordrake had an extra face on the back of his head. The face could not talk or speak, but it could cry and laugh. Edward went to doctors, begging for them to remove his second face what he called his demon head – because it would whisper horrible things to him as he tried to sleep. Unfortunately, no doctor helped Edward Mordrake, who committed suicide at the age of 23.

edward mordrake

Edward Mordrake.


Pasqual Pinon, known as The Two-Headed Mexican, worked in a freak show circus in the early 1900s. Before his work in the circus, he was a railroad worker in Texas. A sideshow promoter noticed that Pasqual suffered from a large benign tumor on the top of his head. The promoter convinced Pasqual to join the freak show circus and had a fake face made of wax placed on Pasqual’s tumor. (There are some reports that the fake face was made of silver, which was surgically placed under the skin of the tumor.) Year later, the manager of the circus paid for the operation to have the tumor removed, and Pasqual moved back to Texas.

pasqual pinon

Pasqual Pinon.


While Edward Mordrake’s story is horrifying and depressing, I cannot help but love Pasqual Pinon. Someone comes along, gawks at his enlarged cranium, then, basically, asks to stick Halloween prosthetics on it possibly in it, depending on which account is true. What does Pasqual do? Leaves his life behind to become the focal point of a freak show. That’s looking on the bright side of things.

Woman Dies At Own Funeral

I wish I was making this up, but I’m not: Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, 49, died at her own funeral today in Kazan, Russia. But Dale, that doesn’t make much sense! I know, I know, it really doesn’t make much sense and I’m still trying to piece it together myself, but here’s what happened:

Yesterday, Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov was happily bumbling about her house when she experienced a heart attack and collapsed. Doctors announced that she was dead and Fagilyu’s husband, Fagili, planned for the funeral to happen today.

Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov

Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov and her husband, Fagili Mukhametzyanov.

However, in a twist that only Edgar Allen Poe could have pulled off, Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov woke up during her own funeral. Somehow the doctors had wrongly announced her dead must have been the C-minus med student and Fagilyu regained consciousness while people were praying for her soul to be taken to heaven. The utter shock and disbelief of the whole scene overwhelmed her so much that she had another heart attack. This time she actually died.

Fagili Mukhametzyanov said: Her eyes fluttered and we immediately rushed her back to the hospital but she only lived for another 12 minutes in intensive care before she died again, this time for good.

I am very angry and want answers. She wasn’t dead when they said she was and they could have saved her.

Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov

In Russia, funeral kill you.

Peter Stumpp: The Werewolf of Bedburg

In 1589, known as one of the most brutal executions ever to be recorded, Peter Stumpp, also known as the “Werewolf of Bedburg,” was killed for publicly stating that he was a werewolf, with the power to transform whenever he pleased.

Peter Stumpp

A traditional torture rack.

Peter Stumpp was born in the village of Epprath near Bedburg. He was a wealthy German farmer who had great influence in the surrounding area’s politics. He had a son, a daughter, and an intimate relationship with one of his distant relatives known as Katharina Trump.

Sometime during the year of 1589, Peter Stumpp was accused of being a werewolf. After being stretched on the rack, he confessed to practicing black magic since the age of twelve. He claimed that the Devil gave him a magic girdle, which would allow him to transform into the likeness of a greedy, devouring wolf, strong and mighty, with eyes great and large, which in the night sparkled like fire, a mouth great and wide, with most sharp and cruel teeth, a huge body, and mighty paws. Stumpp claimed that removing the girdle would reverse the effects. (That sounds like the coolest of werewolf costumes!)

In addition, while being tortured, Stumpp admitted that he had been an insatiable bloodsucker for the last twenty-five years of his life. He would feast and gorge himself on the blood and flesh of goats, lambs, and sheep. He also admitted to killing and eating fourteen children, two pregnant women, and their fetuses.


But the accusations continue:

Not only was Stumpp accused of being a serial murderer and cannibal, but he was also accused of having an incestuous relationship with his daughter. (For her incestuous actions, Stumpp’s daughter was sentenced to die with him.) Stumpp’s relationship with his distant relative, Katharina Trump, did not help the whole incestuous thing, nor did Stumpp’s admittance to having had sexual relations with a succubus that was offered to him by the Devil.


The execution:

Peter Stumpp

Composite woodcut print by Lukas Mayer of the execution of Peter Stumpp in 1589 at Bedburg near Cologne.


On October 31st, 1589, Stumpp was put on the wheel. Using red-hot pincers, flesh was torn from his body in ten different places. To prevent his undead self from climbing out of the grave and returning to life, his limbs were broken using the blunt side of an axehead. He was then beheaded and burned on a pyre. Both his daughter and mistress were flayed, raped, and strangled, then burned along with Stumpp’s body. As a warning to others, the local authorities erected a sign depicting a picture of a wolf and a wheel, with Stumpp’s head mounted on top.

Paul Karason: The Blue Man

At the age of 43, Paul Karason looked as normal as normal can be. However, he suffered from various negative health conditions, such as sinus problems, dermatitis, acid reflux, and so on. Did he go to the doctor for help though? Hell no that would be too easy. Paul Karason started brewing his own tonic made of colloidal silver, distilled water, and salt. But he didn’t drink this tonic once or twice per day. He drank gallons of this stuff per week for years.

paul karason

After 14 years of constantly drinking his special tonic, along with rubbing a silver salve on his skin, Paul Karason’s skin complexion had gone through an intensely gradual change. Paul said the change was so slow that neither him or his friends noticed it. I would love to try and explain what happened give scientific information and details and all that jazz but it’s easier to just show you. So here’s Karason as he looks now:

Paul Karason


I know what you’re thinking: Nope, not true. That’s a photoshopped photo, or he’s wearing Halloween makeup, or something. But it’s not true. Well, Naysayers, I thought the exact same thing, so I dug deeper. Here’s a CNN report on Karason’s self-inflicted condition:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa2OpNTX9Ck&feature=player_embedded#at=35

So what!? One video doesn’t prove anything. The media lies all the time! Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, Naysayers. There isn’t just one video and a creepy photo. Here’s a followup video of Paul Karason on MSNBC’s TODAY:

When Matt Lauer asked whether or not Paul is still drinking the colloidal silver tonic, Paul says very, very seldomly. (Seldomly is not a word, but I wouldn’t argue with a blue man.) If you want to see a side-by-side comparison of Paul before his use of colloidal silver and after, skip the video to 4:50.

Sokushinbutsu: Self-Mummification

To prove once again that Buddhist monks are hardcore to the bone, Sokushinbutsu were Buddhist monks who caused their own deaths through self-mummification. To date, only between 16 and 24 of these self-mummifications have been discovered, but it is believed that hundreds more have tried. No Buddhist sect currently practices or promotes Sokushinbutsu. Below is an image of a Sokushinbutsu, which looks so much more horrifying than any mummy costume I have ever seen.


Sokushinbutsu

A successful Sokushinbutsu.


How Sokushinbutsu works:

Step 1: For 1,000 days the Buddhist monk would eat a special diet of only nuts and seeds. During this time they performed an intense regimen of physical activity. The combination of diet and exercise stripped their body of all fat.

Step 2: For another 1,000 days the Buddhist monk would eat only bark and roots, along with drinking a poisonous tea made from the sap of the Urushi tree. The poisonous tea caused the monk to vomit and rapidly lose bodily fluids. Most importantly, however, it made their flesh too poisonous to be consumed by maggots.

Step 3: The Buddhist monk locked himself into a stone tomb barely large enough for his body. Inside that stone tomb, locked away in pure darkness, he remained in the lotus position. The only connection he had with the outside world was an air tube and a bell. The bell was rung every day to let the outside world know that he was still alive.

Step 4: Once the bell ceased to be rung, individuals outside the stone tomb would remove the air tube and finalize the tomb’s sealing. The tomb was left alone for another 1,000 days, then opened to see if the mummification process had worked.

Step 5: If the monk was found successfully mummified, he was viewed as a true Buddha. The body was removed from the tomb and displayed in a Buddhist temple for all to view. If the mummification process failed, resulting in a decomposed body, then the individual was still removed and displayed in a temple. However, they were not viewed as a true Buddha, since they failed self-mummification, but they were revered for their dedication and spirit.

The Kim Kardashian Halloween Wedding

 

kim kardashian

“I prove that people pay attention to beauty.”

Kim Kardashian, the annoying gnat known only for her curves and a sex tape, is getting married. Why does the world care? Why is this listed on this blog? Here’s why: Kim Kardashian is getting married on Halloween of this year October 31st, 2011. Big deal, right? Who the flying flip should care?

Here’s why:

As evident by her love for being in the tabloids, Kim Kardashian is an attention-whore. She sucks it up through a gem-encrusted straw and savors being the constant flavor of the month. So how does she steal back the eyes of the world, other than getting married on Halloween? She creates a registry of gifts that totals over $65,000. Go ahead, open it, if you dare. Be warned though: it is stupidly lavish. You may suddenly find yourself crushed by economic despair, or overwhelmed by bouts of nausea.


Here’s some of the gifts:

  • An astray – $1,100.
  • A Baccarat vase – $7,850
  • Some stupid statue – $325
  • A napkin ring – $32.
  • A 1925 Tea Set – $1,000

And on and on and on.

You know what the worst part of it is? She’s going to get this stuff. People are going to happily skip and frolic their rich selves into Kardashian’s wedding with armfuls of this stuff. Bagfuls upon bagfuls of rich junk, which will sit and collect dust in her gorgeous mansion built of sex and scandals.

kim kardashian

“Y’all seen my movie? It was nominated for Best Acting in a Sex Tape.”

My only hope the only thing keeping me somewhat neutral on this topic is that she’s holding it on Halloween. Everyone had better be dressed in Halloween costumes. I want to see zombies, werewolves, mummies, and an undead Kanye West watching this wedding take place. Otherwise, she’s a nobody who found a means of getting rich and ruining Halloween this year.

I’m done with this rant. Let’s hope that Ms. Kardashian can at least blow some of her sex-tape money on some sweet Halloween costumes.

Hypertrichosis: The Werewolf Syndrome

While ghouls, zombies, and vampires are among the greatest of Halloween’s monsters, werewolves will always hold a special place in my heart. Something about their fangs and love of the moon has caused me to wish and hope to one day become one of them. My love for these vicious creatures, however, has recently dwindled into a sense of pity and fear, because I have learned of hypertrichosis, a disease that causes an individual look strikingly similar to a werewolf.

Hypertrichosis

Stephen Bibrowski, also known as Lionel the Lion-Faced Man.

To put it simply, hypertrichosis, known informally as the werewolf syndrome, is an abnormal amount of hair growth on the body. Some individuals experience localized hypertrichosis, meaning that only parts of their body experience this intense growth of hair. Others experience generalized hypertrichosis, where their whole body is covered in a thick, bushy amount of hair.

The only real sign or symptom of hypertrichosis is excessive hair growth. It often starts at the birth, but some cases have been known to pop up later in an individual’s life. Since this is the only negative effect, hair removal remains one of the top treatments. There is no cure for hypertrichosis.

Historically, individuals with hypertrichosis often received work as circus performers. Fedor Jeftichew was known as Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Man.” Stephan Bibrowski was Lionel the Lion-Faced Man.” Jesus Chuy Aceves received work as the Wolfman. Annie Jones worked as the bearded woman, and the list goes on and on.

In 2011, Supatra Sasuphan, an 11-year-old girl from Thailand, was named the world’s hairiest girl by the Guinness Book of World Records. Hypertrichosis has been with her since birth, and not even our werewolf masks can recreate this kind of intense hair growth.

Hypertrichosis

Supatra Sasuphan.