Author Archives: Megan

Fall Love

Fall is my favorite season. I never understood the love for summer, unless you love to be hot, sweaty, and surrounded by insects for 3 months. Winter is freezing, and spring is muddy, wet, and allergy-ridden. Fall, however, is the perfect combination of all the seasons. Here are my top reasons why I love fall:

1. Sweaters: Not only do they hide the bumps and other imperfections that are so apparent in summer clothing, but they are soft as hell, too.

2. Apples: What could be more versatile? You can make apple pie, apple cake, baked apples, or just eat them right off the branch (my favorite way).

3. Halloween: Candy and costumes. Enough said.

4. Pretty leaves: Green is boring. I like my trees in shades of orange, red, and yellow.

5. Horror Movies: Cable television is chock full of movie marathons and countdowns of your favorite spooky films. My favorite is Nightmare on Elm Street.

Costume Craze

As summer winds down, it’s time to start thinking about what to be for Halloween. I’ve been going back and forth about what to be, so maybe you guys can help me out. Here are my possible costume ideas.

Early-90s Female Stand Up Comic- This is probably the simplest of my ideas. Basically, I’d need a big, ugly shirt and vest from Goodwill, pleated mom jeans, sneakers, and a microphone. I would spend the night making jokes about PMS and having too many cats.

Sexy Link- I find the “sexy” versions of normal costumes to be hilarious, e.g. Sexy Cat, Sexy Bunny, etc. A few years ago, I put a spin on the idea by dressing up as a sexy version of a decidedly unsexy animal, and made a Sexy Lobster costume. This costume would basically be a feminine take on Link from the NES classic, Legend of Zelda.

Dancing Red Shoes: To go along with my fascination with terrifying children’s tales, I would dress up as the main character of the Hans Christian Andersen classic. Basically, the gist of the story is that this chick wears red shoes to church, pisses off the Big Dude in the Sky, and is cursed to dance in them forever. This leads to some pretty gnarly wounds to the girl’s feet. She eventually has to have the town executioner cut off her feet and fashion her a set made from wood. This costume would require a ripped up and stained old-timey dress, red shoes, plenty of fake blood, and some fake stitches around my ankles (as if my feet were reattached).

What do you think? Let me know your own ideas in the comments.

Pretty, Pretty, Princess

What girl hasn’t dreamt of being a princess? Well, maybe not Cara Maria, but pretty much everyone else. It’s understandable why it would be appealing: getting to wear pretty dresses, having a lot of sparkly crap, spending all day petting cute animals, eating cupcakes for breakfast, and so on (kind of makes up for the whole “forced marriage thing”, but I digress). In celebration, I’ve decided to make a list of my favorite fictional princesses.

Princess Peach

1. Princess Peach

She may wear pink, but Peach is not a stereotypical princess. Although she has mostly been the damsel in distress, she’s done her fair bit of saving as well. Her peachiness does not take away from her bad-assery. She is not afraid to race cars, kill Goombas, and kick general Bowser ass. Also, in SMB2, she could float. Awesome.

Medea

2. Medea

Imagine this: you’re sitting at home, learning witchcraft, minding your own business, when all of a sudden, this total dreamboat shows up at your door. He’s adventurous, handsome, and sweeps you off your feet. He says he needs help getting this weird golden fleece, and promises to marry you if you help him. So you essentially do the work for him, he takes all the credit, and then leaves you for some stupid wench in Corinth. Do you sit back and take it? No. You send that bitch a poisoned wedding dress.

Sleeping Beauty

3. Sleeping Beauty

I love taking naps. I can’t imagine how awesome a 100 year nap would be, especially if it ended with a total beefcake making out with you and a dance session in the sky. Also, she’s got the best outfits out of the Disney Princesses.

Ozma

4. Ozma of Oz

Ozma is one of the most interesting princesses in modern literature. Given to a witch as a baby by her dictator father, she lived the first thirteen years of her life as “Tip”, a young boy (how she couldn’t figure out she was a girl on her own, I have no idea). After being transformed back into a girl by Glinda the Good Witch, she was installed as Oz’s queen, where she rules to this day, albeit, with a little bit of gender confusion.

Arwen

5. Arwen Evenstar

Half-human and half-elf, Arwen is one of the heroines in J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, where she acts as a helping figure to Frodo and the rest of the Fellowship. She also gives up her immortality in order to marry her boyfriend, which is kind of sweet, if you think about it.

Shark Week

It’s my favorite time of year- Shark Week. In celebration, I’ve decided to compile my favorite shark-related facts. Let’s do this:

1. Up until the 16th century, sharks were known simply as “sea dogs”. It wasn’t until 1569 that the word “shark” came into use. The word is derived from the Yucatan Mayan word, xok, which means “he who wears sunglasses”.

2. Out of 440 species, only 4 species are dangerous to humans: the great white (as seen in the movie “Jaws”), oceanic whitetip, tiger, and bull sharks.

3. The Megalodon, an ancient shark, is proposed to have reached a sizeof 20.3 meters, or 67 feet. The largest living shark, the whale shark, only reaches 12.65 meters, or 41.50 feet in length. Thankfully, the Megalodon went extinct during the last ice age (or did it?).

4. When sharks sleep, half of their brain is left awake. This means that they can still hunt, even when resting.

5. Unlike other fish, sharks give birth to live young, instead of laying eggs.

6. Not all sharks are meat-eaters. The largest shark, the whale shark is a vegetarian.

7. Sharks are capable of virgin births. That is, a female can fertilize their own eggs without the help of a male. How’s that for feminism!

8. Every shark attack is kept in the International Shark Attack File, which can be read here.

9. Sharks replace their teeth, on average, every 8-10 days.

10. Over the course of 12 days in 1916, there was a series of shark attacks along the Jersey Shore. No word on whether fistpumping was involved.

Are You Afraid of The Dark?

Even at 26, I am still afraid of the dark. It’s gotten worse since I moved into my own place; I seem to have an uncanny ability to creep myself out when alone at night, especially after watching the ghost hunting shows that are all over cable. It’s amazing how the mind works- the sound of my neighbor playing Wii turns is magically transformed into the moans of a Serial-Killing-Nazi ghost who waits for me to turn my bedside lamp off so it can cut off my feet with a pickaxe. This fear has resulted in not only an expensive electricity bill, but also in my embarrassment when my friends discover the Pirates of the Carribean nightlight that is kept next to my bed.

Boo.

In order to solve this problem, I’ve been on on the hunt for decorative lighting that can double as night lights. This set of Hello Kitty Paper Lanterns is cute and functional- no one has to know its true purpose. Another option is a set of string lights, like this Western Cowboy Party Light set. Not only will my apartment look adorable, but I will be able to fall asleep with knowing that I am fully protected against all ghosts, Nazi or otherwise.

Are you afraid of the dark? Let me know in the comments!