Halloween gives women a chance to be as skanky, sexy, or slutty as they desire, but some Halloween costumes are absolutely strange. Sexy mustard is a perfect example. When I think sexy, I do not think mustard. If anything, I think fruits, because theyre sugary, soft, and easy to bite into, and the juices flowing out of the fruit mimic the blood flowing out of a freshly killed wom never mind.
So, I need to ask my audience:
Men, would you find a sexy fruit or condiment costume attractive?
Women, would you wear a sexy fruit or condiment costume?
There are so many sexy Halloween costumes on the market, but corporations are running out of ideas. Next year we’ll see sexy bedside tables, sexy Alaskan crabs, sexy plastic dinner plates, and so forth. If you’re like me, this lack of creativity is a Godsend. I’m looking forward to sexy bus stop bench, but only if it comes equipped with stale gum and homeless urine stench.