Our love of vampire costumes has brought you the Vampire Woman, Twilight Baby Names, and Porphyria, but now I would like to present you with something so unrealistic that you simply have to read along to believe it.
Jonathon Sharkey, who has the coolest last name I have ever heard of, has already filed the necessary paperwork to run for President as a Republican in 2012. That’s not so much of a big deal though, right? People do that all of the time. But Jonathon Sharkey is no normal potential Republican presidential candidate – Jonathon Sharkey is a “sanguinary vampyre” and a Satanist.
Here’s a video of ABC News covering Sharkey’s running in the next campaign. (Skip to 0:50 to see him.)
Sharkey has gone on the record to state that he drinks the blood of his girlfriends and mistresses twice a week. (How this man has more than one woman willingly offering him their blood, I will never know.) He never drinks the blood of men though, only women. “Women are beautiful,” he said to MSNBC. “And they have beautiful necks and beautiful arms.” While I agree that women are beautiful, I have yet to find myself craving a woman’s blood.
But let’s look at his political beliefs:
“I won’t be bullied, I won’t be blackmailed. Criminals and terrorists will fear me along with corrupt law enforcement officials. I will not tolerate crime or terrorism.”
Tough words, but what about the really tough criminals? Let’s go back to Sharkey:
“Certain criminals, instead of being put in jail, they should be brutally tortured and impaled. Upon them being found guilty of their crimes I’ll beat them, torture them, dismember them and decapitate them.”
Sharkey openly states that has “turned against God,” and here is why: “I will not worship a god who causes the deaths of innocent children. I will not worship a god who allowed his only son to be used as a human sacrifice on the cross for what they believe the sins of the world and while his dying would turn around—forsake him on the cross.” Obviously these are very powerful words coming from a man who clearly has very powerful beliefs. The only question that remains is, could this man become the next president?
When asked if he believes he stands a chance of being elected, he said, “Yes, I have a chance of winning. People like Sarah Palin are making it quite easy to pull off.”
So, we can point all fingers at Sarah Palin for the possibility of the first vampiric Republican presidential candidate. Honestly, that may be the first time Sarah Palin’s existence has made me smile. Thank you, Palin, and may you never reenter the political limelight again.
Anyway, I just have one last thing to say before we conclude this pleasant article: Swimmers in this year’s political waters better be careful….because it’s getting Sharkey.