Monthly Archives: October 2010

Jersey Shore

After a horrible week, I decided to spend my Friday night relaxing with a bottle of white zinfandel and my favorite cast of ethic stereotypes on the Jersey Shore. I had been lax in keeping up with this season- somehow watching a bunch of people talk about tanning is seen as less worthwhile than doing homework. After a 4 hour marathon, I am finally caught up, and I have a few observations I would like to share.

1. Smash vs Smush: At first, I thought that these terms were interchangeable. However, I have learned that “smushing” is done with someone who is “wife/husband material” and smashing is done only with sluts. An important distinction!

2. The only difference between “grenades” and “hot girls” is based solely on their willingness to touch a boner, not physical attractiveness.

3. There is a “G” in “sandwich”.

4. If you want to become wife or husband material, you must: 1. Be from Eastern Europe or Latin America, 2. Have interests outside of wearing stretch jersey and binge drinking, and 3. Buy your paramour something desirable, such as a Fossil watch. However,

5. If you buy a girl a Fossil watch, she will not have sex with you. Talk about a Catch-22!

6. Uncle Nino.

7. Pads and tampons are the same thing, especially if they belong “a dirty little hamster”.

8. J-Woww’s boobs do not follow the laws of physics.

9. Getting into a fistfight is an acceptable way to say goodbye.

10. “Tan” is an ethnicity.

NSFW: Things you are likely to find in my basement.

WARNING: you probably won’t like what you are about to read. If you are easily offended… don’t read it. If you are open to everything super weird and don’t take things seriously (this is clearly completely made up ) then please continue…..

You guys are the ones thinking it, so why not feed the fire?

Let me take you on an intimate journey…. into the depths of my awesomeness.

First come walk with me through my chamber. The walls, ceiling, and floors are going to move around a bit so try to keep your balance. Don’t worry about the skeletons. They won’t hurt you, they are already dead. duh. Or was it not the skeletons you were worried about? In any case, please excuse the mess. My slave boys have been doing a bad job cleaning up… so now they are a bit… tied up. I’ll introduce them to you in a minute….

…………

Oh… look out… that’s Jack, my ex. He had a bit too much of the rum and ran off with some wenches without me. We had a little talk and everything is fine now. In fact, he always seems to be hanging around. Kisses baby!

Prized Possession Animated Prop

Prized Possession Animated Prop

Now if you will step this way….

Let me show you my absolute most prized possession. By possession, I mean possessed. Meet the little one. You guys are all curious about this bed breaking “devil sex”… Well here is the bi-product of a freakish yet loving environment. Isn’t she just darling? She has my eyes. Careful, don’t get too close. She hasn’t fed yet today and when she’s really hungry she’ll spin her head around and vomit at you.

Keep walking with me please.

……..

If you look right ahead I’d like to show you my behavioral reinforcement table. Just ignore this man laying here. He is a disappointment. He likes to dress like a show pony and have me train him… yet in our last session he failed numerous times to pick up his leads as a proper show pony should. He also spoke out when disciplined. Ponies do not speak. Therefore he has to go through the shocks. I keep the hood on at all times of course. Here let me turn on the shocks for you. He needs to learn his lesson anyway…..

Grimlock

Speaking of bad boys. Here is #359 (the slaves here live by numbers, not names). This one failed to clean my chambers properly after one of my sessions. He even forgot which floggers go where. I’m very upset with him. He has been in the stocks for a couple of weeks. I let his feet free so he can move about and clean the floors with a broom in his mouth. He’s learning slowly but surely. If he keeps up the good work I may let him out soon!

Tortured Torso With Rats Life Size

Finally, meet Larry. He kept getting excited on me… despite numerous warnings not to. So I blindfolded him and let him play with my pets. I don’t think it will be a problem anymore.

That concludes the tour. I hope you enjoyed looking into my world. So… are we still on for that dinner and a movie date or what?

After Apple Picking

It’s finally fall, which means it’s about time for my favorite fall-related activity, apple picking. I know you are saying to yourself, “But Megan, you can buy apples in the grocery store. Why would you want to pick them yourself?” I’ll tell you- it rules. There is nothing like climbing up in a tree to pick fruit, dodging angry bees, and trying not to get pesticide in your face that makes you feel quite so human. Also, they charge you only for the apples that you bring after you’ve picked them, not the ones that you eat on the way out. So economical!

So what do you do with the 10 lbs of apples that you spend the day picking? Thankfully, apples are an extremely versatile fruit. Chop them up and put them in a salad, bake them whole, or just eat them raw. One of my favorite apple recipes is apple crisp, which I’ve decided to share with you all (this one is adapted from the Betty Crocker recipe, which is also delicious).

Apple Crisp

4 c. tart apples, sliced

3/4 c. brown sugar

1/2 c. flour

1/2 rolled oats

1/2 c. butter, softened

2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Grease an 8-inch baking pan and set aside. Spread apples in pan. Mix together oats, sugar, 1/3 c. butter, and spice in a medium bowl. Dot apples with small pieces of remaining butter and spread oat mixture over them. Bake for 30 minutes or until top is browned. Serve warm with vanilla ice cream.

Things that go Bump in the night… in Prague

CLICK HERE TO WATCH

As you will soon learn on MTV’s Cut Throat challenge in Prague… things aren’t always as they seem.

I’ll let the story unfold to you as it will, but after living in this haunted castle, I really do believe in ghosts. Many things went bump in the night, and not just in the Gray team bedroom.

Medieval Shield And Sword Prop

There is something we were not supposed to know about. The house we now called home had been vacant for years before we invaded it with our drunken ignorant American ways. The audio equipment, the cameras, the lights, the Challenge cast…. We disturbed something. There were some things not meant to be seen and not meant to be messed with. We poked… we joked… and then we were given signs that we were not welcome there.

There is a room in that house that is considered sacred. This room is off limits… but a few of us didn’t listen. Two of the people who messed with the spirits of the house have already been eliminated in an intense Gulag. Coincidence?

I won’t reveal anything just yet, but keep your eyes wide and your mind open for the supernatural.

In the meantime… check out some rad props from FrightCatalog.com to turn your own place into a Haunted Mansion. (spirits of dead ghost girls are not included)

Inside the Gas Chamber.

Hazmat Adult Costume

While pondering my own life’s “bucket list”, I have concluded that running into a gas chamber and having to solve a mind boggling puzzle while in the midst of it would not be on that list.

However, you only live once. I can now check off “gas chamber” on my list of things I’ve done.

If you haven’t been in one, let me describe this glorious experience to you. First, if you wear contacts, take them off of they will melt into your skull. True story. Now, you can barely speak because your throat and nose is on fire with pins and needles. You can’t see because your eyes are burning off of your face. You can’t think because for god sakes you can’t breathe. But, oh yeah, throw in a puzzle on top of that and realize that if you don’t get it right, you have to go back in. Welcome to my world.

Gas Mask

As painful as that experience was. I have to say that I am thrilled that I can say I did it. In fact, if you are ever in the middle of Prague and competing for a shit ton of money, I’d say throw a keg party in the chamber and get down with your bad self.

But be weary, the more exposure to that stuff you get, the more likely you are to see these guys floating around you.

Be prepared. Get the mask.

Relive the Experience with me here:

CLICK TO PLAY MTV's CUT THROAT CHALLENGE episode 1

Dress as Your Fave Current Event for Halloween

One of the most talked-about Halloween costumes of the season, the “Bad Planning” (get it?) “BP” Oil Spill costume is in stock on frightcatalog.com — what do you think?

“Bad Planning” – BP Oil Spill Costume

When the Oil Spill Halloween costume design was released publicly in August, it was pretty controversial. A month and change can be a lot of time as far as current events go; it’s still in bad taste (and let me be clear: by saying it’s in bad taste, I’m not saying I’m offended by it, nor am I saying that Halloween costumes should be in “good” taste), but it was a little more shocking when the oil was still gushing, I think. Still, if you want a costume that says “2010,” this is it.

Well, that, or this:

Classic Witch Costume

Plus a red “NO” symbol painted on it — Christine O’Donnell! (Take it however you want.)

Face Paint- the new Prada.

These days, you ain’t cool unless you paint your face.

Hell, the 80’s along with Pris and Ziggy stardust rocked face paint like no other. Now with the rise of Gaga, face paint is back in action.

You can get stocked up on everything it means to be rad at FrightCatalog.com. We’ve got every type of face paint your artistic heart desires and more.

As a matter of fact, check out the latest clip from MTV.com of the new CutThroat challenge. The cast gets busy with some rather interesting face painting shenanigans.

CLICK HERE to watch “FREAKS, FACE PAINT, AND FLIRTATION”

David Bowie Ziggy Stardust

Gaga

Marilyn Manson

Daryll Hannah – Pris

Christina Aguilera

House

Tim Burton: Halloween Forever pt 2

Can’t fit everything into just one article when it comes to Tim Burton and Halloween. He’s like the Godfather of Halloween fantasy. He puts his signature twist in every movie. Many of his stories have a misunderstood outcast as the main character. There is usually a strange mechnical assembly line sequence, clowns, stitched/dead people or animals, and an absent or cruel father figure.

I’ve taken you through the best of Tim Burton (Beetle Juice, Batman, Nightmare Before Christmas, and Edward Scissorhands) Now I will take you through the rest…

The Corpse Bride (2005) is an animated romantic fantasy reminiscent of the Jack and Sally relationship on the Nightmare Before Christmas. When the groom practices wedding vows over the grave of a dead woman, she rises and assumes he is to marry her. You too can be the Bride from Hell.

 

Sweeney Todd Deluxe Adult Costume

Mrs Lovett Adult Costume

 

Sweeney Todd (2007)

Based on a Broadway musical, this is a story of a disturbed barber who will stop at nothing to get his daughter back from the sinister Judge of the town. He sets up shop with meat pie maker Mrs. Lovett. His kills go into her pies and together they make one disturbed, yet very successful couple.

 

Alice In Wonderland Movie Deluxe Red Queen Adult Costume

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Everyone knows the story of Alice in Wonderland. Tim Burton’s twist on the familiar fairy tale takes you on a teenage Alice’s journey back to Wonderland.

Take some of these ideas and think about your most killer costume this year. Remember: groups and couples make a huge impact. Dress like the twisted cast from Alice in Wonderland, or go out at Lydia and Beetle Juice. Carry meat pies through the town on Halloween as Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett.
The possibilities go on and on. Add your own personal twist to the Tim Burton classic. The countdown is officially on, so get to it!