Wedding Belles

I just got back from my best friend’s wedding in Maryland. During my time there, I learned some very strange things about weddings. Firstly, everyone knows that the modern reason for bridesmaids is to get drunk and embarassingly hit on the groom’s brother. However, the original reason is a little more badass and less known- back in Olden Times, people believed that the devil and his minions only existed to muck up people’s lives, especially the lives of happy folks. So, what makes people really happy? Getting married to one another. To solve this problem, the bride surrounded herself with other young women in fancy dresses in order to confuse any imps or devils about, and prevent them from doing any devilish deeds to the bride to be. Hence, bridesmaids.

Also, tossing the bouquet has some interesting origins (I mean throwing flowers. Get your mind out of the gutter.). Since a woman’s sole purpose in life is to get married and sire non-bastard children for her husband, a bride was considered to be especially lucky. Flowers symbolized fertility and were a piece of the bride’s good luck, so when the bride threw the bouquet to one of her single friends, it was God’s way of saying, “Hey girl, stop talking to your cat and get yourself a man.” Obviously God has never seen 9 to 5, but I digress.

Despite the annoyingness of modern weddings, let’s be thankful that some traditions died out, like hanging the sheets outside the window after the wedding night to prove virginity, having to eat fruitcake, and the bride turning into a zombie. Wait…



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