Please Kill Me

Sexy Chucky Adult Costume
Sexy Ms Voorhees Adult Costume
Ms Krueger Naughty Nightmare Adult Costume

Halloween. Women seem to find this holiday that one time of year where they can dress like the slut version of their favorite character. I wonder if that’s what Disney had in mind when they made Snow White and Aladdin. Any way you slice it, men love it. No one’s complaining. However, I want to toss a you a bone… or three.

Hear me out:

Men are attracted to strong women who could possibly rip their throats out and eat it for lunch. I’m stating this based on experience. Instead of being scantily clad in a crowd of scantily clad, stand out and separate yourself. Naughty cops and sexy maids are so cliche. Close your eyes and go back to a time when horror movies were horror movies and the villains never died. Jason, Freddy, Chucky: Those were names to fear. These monsters gave me many sleepless nights…and now those sleepless nights can be yours to give.

Now we can live out our serial killer fantasies…in a safe, insane, consensual way. Don’t lie to yourself, you know you’ve had at least one. Now when you turn off the lights it can be you that will be bumpin’ in the night. My whole M.O. in life is to make sure that you have the best sex possible. Let down your guard and trust me on this. Maybe I’m a bit twisted to imagine how Jason would be in bed, but hockey jerseys are sexy and machetes make your heart race. Put those two together and on on a chick? I’m putty in your hands.

At we have your sexy, your funny, your scary, and your heart pounding horrifying. The choice is yours. Whatever you pick to wear is your alter ego for the night. When you slip on a costume you can’t help but get completely into character. Don’t forget, a little bit of blood goes a long way. Don’t be afraid to get dirty… it’s a trophy of your stack of victims.

Check out our deliciously evil costumes and knock em dead. Literally.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

3 Steps Instant Popularity

Are you socially awkward? Does your pocket protector double as a cock blocker? Do you get about as much sunlight a day as Oprah’s minge? Is what you first look for in the opposite sex a flirty come hither username? Does your idea of daily exercise consist of walking up and down the stairs of your parents house to get chips/use the bathroom/etc?

If you answered yes to any and all of these questions, this article is for you!

First Step to Popularity:

Confidence: Talk about what you know. When you talk about what you know, you appear more lively and confident, as well as intelligent.

For Example: Take the fascinating and expansive world that you escape to every night….the World of Warcraft.

Now that you have your subject matter and confidence… Let’s go on to Step # 2: Fashion.

Trend Setter: Everyone is always on the search for the next new trend in fashion. Lady Gaga is on the forefront of fashion as we know it today. She’s a bit strange and futuristic…and people are eating it up. So it’s time to toss aside those tattered old Star Trek t’s. Instead, opt for something more daring, while wearing it with confidence. If Gaga can do it, why can’t you?

Ex. Check out this model on the runway sporting Warcraft-esque fashion. Would any woman kick this guy out of bed? The sunken Edward Cullen-like cheeks and living dead facial expression may add a little more sex appeal to the uber chic fur poncho but that can be easily remedied for your needs. This brings us to the final step…

Step number 3:

Your face:

World of Warcraft – Forsaken Mask – Adult

Hours upon hours of staring at computer screen and consuming nothing but pizza and soda may leave you bug eyed, pale, and greasy. The fur poncho, or suit of anatomically correct armor (your preference of course) may correct and sexify the pizza belly. However, your face can not be cured over night. But not to fear! We at have your solution to babe scoring bliss. To complete your bad ass new look, top your face with one of our many warcraft warrior masks.

Wear your mask with confidence and pride. You won’t be invisible anymore. People will stare from afar, intimidated by your confidence and style. Do not be ashamed to wear your mask! Women find the mystery of a man in a mask incredibly sexy. Their imagination will run wild. All the greatest legends have worn masks…Batman, Iron Man, Spiderman, and now you….Warcraft Man.

May the force be with you.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

15 Most Outrageous Costume Controversies

15 examples of how when people get dressed up it can cause a lot of trouble.

Nothing is more fun than costumes. Whether you’re dressed up for Halloween or just attending your friend’s costume party, it’s always a blast to pretend to be someone or something else for a little while. But while dressing up is generally a harmless act, anything taken too far is never a good thing. As a general rule of thumb, the less controversial your costume, the better. Here are 15 costumes that decided to throw caution to the wind and wound up offending, annoying and pissing people off.

Continue reading 15 Most Outrageous Costume Controversies

Things Not to Wear on a Plane

So this girl in the UK tried to board a plane a while ago wearing boots covered in metal spikes and was detained, questioned and ultimately had to board the plane with plastic bags on her feet (the scary shoes did get to travel with her, but in luggage). Extreme, I guess, but a reminder that clothing and accessories that resemble Medival torture devices in any way might cause you some major inconvenience with airport security.

Other things you might not want to wear when trying to board a plane:

Edward Scissorhand Gloves

Slipknot 133 mask

Stealth assassin costume with daggers and sword.

Just sayin’. Happy summer travels!

Woo Woo!

Here in the Midwest, things have been hot. Not hot in the good way, but hot in the having-your-underpants-stick -to-your-skin-as-soon-as-you-walk-outside kind of way. My solution: fruity cocktails, and a lot of them. Here’s a recipe for one of my favorites, the Woo Woo.

Woo Woo

1 oz. Vodka

1 oz Peach Schnapps

2 oz. Cranberry Juice

In a cocktail shaker, pour vodka and schnapps over ice. Add cranberry juice, shake, and strain into skull goblet. Enjoy!

Spencer Pratt is ready for Halloween

Seriously who is this knucklehead? He’s hanging out on the boulevard of broken dreams in Hollywood. I have to give Spence some credit though. At least he is sporting one pretty sweet old man costume complete with makeup. Spencer was trying to crash the Hills finale party with this disguise but got busted. See that’s why you always buy your old man costumes at If he did he would have been in there with no problem. They would have thought he was Audrina’s grandfather no doubt about it.
Lesson learned Spencer, if you want to make a big impact on the red carpet you have to get your get up’s from us.

Captain America Needs a New Costume

Captain America Costume

It looks like after that awful Wonder Woman costume redesign it’s time for the nerds over at Project Rooftop to come up with a new costume for Captain America. Let’s hope this one gets done right. After all there is nothing like cruising around in a skin tight red, white and blue spandex suit and shield. I mean how cranked up can you get with that costume on? Walk onto a plane with the Captain America costume and the terrorists will run for cover. Go out to a club on any random night and have your pick of over obsessed fans. People will be buying you drinks all night. Of course as Captain America you would have to refuse alcohol. But of course you could let girls do body shots off your foam six pack. After all whats more American than that?

Vlad the Impaler: Misunderstood?


If you’re a vampire fiend and happen to be in Bucharest this summer, check out the exhibition “Dracula – Voivode and Vampire”–but not if you want to keep your darkest fantasies about the notorious Romanian prince Vlad Tepes. Turns out, at least according to the exhibit’ curator, Vlad the Impaler, the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula, was just a regular Medieval prince who was no more brutal than any other powerful Medieval guy. Which, to be fair, is pretty brutal, but still.

So why was Tepes singled out as a monster? Bigotry, apparently: The Western European PR machine painted the Wallachian ruler in such a way that reinforced the notion that Eastern Europeans were evil.

Interesting, but don’t fret! If a quarter of the stories of Vlad’s atrocities are true, he was still pretty monstrous. And, no matter what, he’ll always be known as the guy who set off the original vampire craze.

h/t: @TelegraphWeird

Summer Reading

Everyone needs a little summer reading, to pass the time as you hole up in the basement from the sun’s brutal rays… or, you know, “beach books” to pass the time as ghoulishly as possible on your summer vacation. In no particular order, five books to check out this summer, if you haven’ yet:

1. “The Changed” by B.J. Burrow: Zombie novels from the POV of the undead are tricky. A zombie novel about a zombie running for the Senate sounds like the worst idea ever, but Burrow pulls it off. The key is that everything we think we know about zombies is wrong (not a new concept, of course, Richard Matheson’s “I Am Legend” notably dealt with the theme using vampires). Plenty of gore from the very first scene, black humor, and dark romance. If you have a Kindle or a Kindle iPhone or PC app, download a free sample for a taste, and be prepared to drop $2.99 for the full Kindle novel, or purchase it in book form for about 12 bucks.

2. “Toe Tags,” Edited by Brian Barnett and William Pauley III: I picked up this collection of short stories because one of the authors, Jimmy Calabrese, contributor of “The Sleepwalking Corpse,” is a member of one of my very favorite bands, Calabrese. Zombies, vampires, demons, scary tattoos, dolls–this creepy collection has it all. Well worth the $18.00 for the book, or download it in PDF form for $10.

3. “Grande Illusions” by Tom Savini: Brush up on your special effects makeup techniques with the legendary master Tom Savini. Remember, there are only three months till Halloween! $25.

4. “Zombie Haiku: Good Poetry for Your… Brains” by Ryan Mecum: A book of zombie haiku is an awesome enough of a concept as it is, but what makes Mecum’s book of zombie haiku brilliant is that it’s actually a linear story. A quick and memorable read–if you haven’t read this or his “Vampire Haiku” book, you’re missing out. And, FYI, if you’re going to be at Comic Con International in San Diego (and if you are, I hate you), Mecum will be among those featured on the panel for “Reading with Brains: The Rise and Unrelenting Stamina of Zombie Fiction” on Saturday July 24th from 11-12 am in Room 7AB.

5. “Massive Awesome #1” by Stephen Lindsay: Picked this up at Philly Comic Con last month–this is a 215 Ink comic by the creator of “Jesus Hates Zombies.” Basic plot: this anthropomorphic piece of bacon, Commando Bacon, and his buddy Zombie Pickle, a pickle who thinks he’s a zombie, have an extreme-action adventure. Includes a JHZ one shot. Awesome!

(Updated 7/11)