Monthly Archives: May 2010

IRON MAN!

Iron Man Super Deluxe Adult Costume

With my gloriously twisted mind, I picture Iron Man as a dude that got his super powers from being slammed in the face with a heavy metal iron by a pissed off wife. That sort of Iron Man wouldn’t be very pretty… but maybe his shirt would always be properly de-wrinkled.

The Real Iron Man

Anyway, let’s discuss the Iron Man we already know and love. The first Iron Man was a smash hit. We love our superhero movies! Iron Man is sort of reminiscent of Batman, only a lot more colorful and dare I say, cocky. He’s rich and can build/buy anything he wants. He’s also the most eligible bachelor in town. In the end, unlike Batman, he unveils his secret identity and tells the world he is Iron Man. If you haven’t seen the first one, you must live under a rock. In case you do, in fact, live under a rock, here is the basic synopsis:

Our hero is Tony Stark, the super wealthy CIO of Stark Industries. Stark’s company is dedicated to weapons manufacturing on a massive scale. In Afghanistan on a mission to demonstrate new missiles, Tony and his convoy are attacked. He is taken as a hostage by the enemy. While in captivity, Tony builds an Iron Man suit and escapes. When he comes home safely he stops weapons manufacturing so he can dedicate more time to perfecting his suit which he then uses to fight evil.

Now the much anticipated sequel, Iron Man 2, hits theaters tomorrow, Friday April 7th. You will see some of the original cast (Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow) along with some new sexy familiar faces such as Scarlett Johansson and Mickey Rourke. This sequel promises to deliver action packed fight scenes coupled with Robert’s famous sarcastic humor.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

Now you don’t have to just sit back and watch Iron Man kick the bad guy’s asses and run away with the hot girls, but you can BE Iron Man and experience the life of a superhero for yourself! We’ve got the new movie costumesand the comic book version costumes for kids and adults. If you don’t want to go all out but still want to pick up chicks, just borrow one of your friends kids and dress him up like Iron Man. It’s almost better than walking a poodle through the park. The ladies will be running over to say how cute your little iron man is. Superheros are strategic and you’ll hit a home run with this one.

Prince Charming: Pt 3 -The Revenge.

Prince CHAR-ming Adult Mask

When we last left our princess (you), she had just got home from an absurdly horrible date with a man that she thought was going to be her dream come true. He was rude, brash, cocky, and cheap. At the end of the date he still had the nerve invite himself into her home. Now the Princess has ideas of her own…

As you sit in the car and rethink the horrible date, your brain goes into overdrive. You are the Halloween Queen. This prince has no idea who he just crossed. You know this is going to be a date that you’ll remember, but now it will be for the most devious reasons imaginable. You are going to teach him a lesson he’ll never forget. Its time to put the princess away and bring out the demon he has awakened. He pulls up to your house and looks over at you. Aren’t you going to invite me in?he smiles. Oh yes. Oh yes, you are.

Cool Jerk

You turn to your handsome Prince with a sweet smile on your face. “Can you please just wait in here one minute… my house is such a mess. I wasn’t expecting company. I want to make it as presentable as I can for a Prince like yourself.” The Prince grins and gives you his signature wave of the hand. This is your cue to be dismissed.

You rush into your home. You have little time to make this perfect. You want make this date as unforgettable for him as he has made it for you. You quickly turn on your fog machines to set the mood. You pull out your favorite animatronics and plug em in. These are going to be your crew, your defenders. The Prince will never see this coming.

You head outside to wave down the Prince. You seductively invite him in. As he enters he notices the fog coming from under the door of one of the rooms. “Um, what’s that about?” he asks, pointing to the fog. “And do you have something for Halloween that I don’t know about? I mean…. it’s April for Christ’s sake….” He looks around at the cobwebs and Jack- O- Lanterns scattered around your house and seems uneasy. “Oh, you don’t like it?” you pout. “Halloween is what I live for. Any man who wants to get in my pants needs to get in my Halloween head first” you wink at him.

Spitting Debby

“Please sit down. Let me get you something to drink.” you say as you push him onto the couch. You head to the kitchen and take out your favorite champagne flute. You fill it with your finest champagne and drop your favorite magic potion into it as a final touch- LSD. Perfect. You saunter out and hand the laced champagne flute to your Prince. “Now, let me slip into something just a little more comfortable” you breathe into his ear. “You are one crazy broad but it’s hot!” the Prince quivers in anticipation.”OH, give me the dress when you are done. I don’t think it fits you as well as I thought it did. I’ll get you something else instead.”

You turn around and cringe as you walk away to the room with the fog. You close the door behind you and breathe. He wants the dress back? You’ll give him the dress back. You grab your stage blood and visciously splatter it all over your dress. Awww…too bad. You liked this dress…but this is well worth the loss. You get naked and splatter the blood all over your body. You slip on your own Prince CHAR-ming mask and get ready for the best Halloween scare the month of April has ever known.

Chuckles

You yell to the Prince from behind your door, “I’m ready for you.” Just as he opens the door, you start screaming. Holding your prop butcher knife in one hand and the bloody dress in the other hand. The Prince freezes in disbelief. All of a sudden Krazy Kristen starts screaming and thrashing from her metal wall. As the Prince turns an ice cold body falls from the door way and knocks him to the ground. The Prince, stunned, looks up and sees a half torso of a man twitching and jerking above him. You inch towards him making deathly gurgling noises and snaring. As the Prince wildly screams and backs away towards a different corner of the room, he bumps into Spitting Debby. She stops her eating and lifts her head up and spits a blast of water and air into his face. The Prince’s heart almost beats out of his chest as he screams and runs for the door. Finally, your favorite clown Chuckles bounces down from the doorway and you laugh in a horror of hysterics as the Prince falls and runs for safety.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

You run after him. “You forgot your DRESS!” you snare. But it is too late. He’s already burned rubber down the street and in the next city before you can blink. You are left with tire tracks in your driveway as a souvenir of your dirty work and a warning to future bad dates.

You kiss your favorite Prince of all, Prince Chuckles, and close the door.

And they all “lived”, frightfully ever after.

Prince Charming: Part 2

When we last left our Princess (you), she was getting ready to go on a much anticipated date with the supposed man of her dreams. Though, he was not quite adding up to what she expected. We now bring you back to when the Princess had ventured inside her home to change into the red Gucci dress her Prince had brought her…

“The dress is yours, Princess. Just no dessert for you. Don’t want you popping out of the dress too soon!” he snaps with a wink. Your Prince is a joker, you’ll give him that, but the way he calls you ‘Princess’ seems to excuse anything he can say or do. Not to mention the Gucci you are about to put on. This is going to be an interesting date to say the least.

Black Rose

You hurry inside and slip on the dress. You look in the mirror and feel rich and classically beautiful. You walk out of the house in your best supermodel slink and pose at your front door waiting to hear his response. You are a bit disappointed to see that he is already in the car and still on the phone. You relax your pose and walk over to the car where you open your own door. No biggie, you think, he’s just busy with work. How else can he afford all this? He finishes his phone call and looks over at you. “Much better”, he smiles. No sooner can you smile back than the car is already in 6th gear down the highway to the restaurant.

You had high hopes for the night but when you get to the restaurant, your prince is already back on his cell phone. He dismisses the hostess rudely as she seats the both of you. You sink into your chair in embarrassment. You try to ignore him on the phone by reading through the menu. There’s no more excuses you can make for him now. He’s just a dick.

When the waitress comes to take your order, she looks to you to see what you would like. He jumps in and orders lobster and an expensive wine for himself. When the waitress looks back at you, trying to hide her disgust as his attitude, he yells at her. “I’m not finished yet. The lady will have the house salad with a balsamic vinaigrette. Get her some ice water with lemon. No bread and no croutons. She’s watching her weight. That’s all.” He does his usual dismissal hand motion to send her away.

“See, I look out for you”, he smiles sweetly. His attempts at being charming are doing nothing more than to make you vomit at this point. You don’t know whether to laugh or cry or walk away from the table right there. For sum unknown reason, you decide to stick through the dinner. If anything, you’ll have a dress and a story at the end of it. The meal comes and he enjoys his juicy lobster while you pick at your lettuce. You listen to him go on and on about himself and how wonderful he is in between his phone calls and texts that he can’t seem to ignore.

At least, the meal has ended and the check has arrived. He looks at you and says, “Well, since this is our first date, it’s only appropriate to split the bill.” It looks like you are paying for your Gucci after all. He has you literally split the bill. You end up paying for half his lobster dinner! He then has the nerve not to leave a tip. He claims the service was bad. You used to work as a cocktail waitress and know the system. As you pick up to leave and he is distracted with yet another call, you make your way to the waitress and slip her a $20. You thank her and apologize for his behavior. You are beyond mortified.

Your Halloween Harlot- Miss Cara Maria

As you sit in the car and rethink the horrible date, your brain goes into overdrive. You are the Halloween Queen. This prince has no idea who he just crossed. You know this is going to be a date that you’ll remember, but now it will be for the most devious reasons imaginable. You are going to teach him a lesson he’ll never forget. It’s time to put the princess away and bring out the demon he has awakened. He pulls up to your house and looks over at you. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he smiles. Oh yes. Oh yes, you are.

to be continued.….