It’s almost Mother’s Day and as usual you are running out to get a last minute gift. You are combing the Hallmark isles and sifting through the picked over “I love you Mom” section. You run to the flower section where all that is left is thirty dollar half dead daisy bouquet. Your own baby has soiled his diaper and is making a scene in the store. You are at your wits end!
Mother’s day is supposed to be special, not frustrating. A bouquet of flowers, a teddy bear, and/or a Hallmark card isn’t going to make up for the nine months of torture you put your Mother through, not to mention her labor and your actual birth. You can take her out to dinner but that doesn’t add up to all the formula she bought for you, all the lunches she made you, all the birthday parties she organized for you… you gave her the short end of the stick.
As you sit in the store, hopeless and defeated, you take a better look at your baby. You put as much love and care into this child as anyone and it still doesn’t appreciate you. It’s mother’s day and you are a mother yourself. When do you get your vacation?
Suddenly- you flash to the creative and wisdom filled sarcastic writings of a bitter frightcatalog writer. You jump on the internet and BLAMO! Instant solution:
It’s almost Mother’s Day and you’ve got problems, so I’ll just cut to the chase. Suit your baby up in our Daisy Bunting Infant Costume. Take some crayons and create your own Hallmark Card. You can write “I love you Mom” just as well as anyone at Hallmark can. Plus, mothers like the personal touch better. Next take your Flower Child and put it in a nice basket. Drop him off on your mother’s door ring the bell and hop the next flight to Acapulco. Mom get’s flowers and a card, you get a vacation. It’s a win/win for you at least. If by some chance you have another child, you can suit him up in the Lil Teddy Bear Elite costume and throw him in with the flower. PRESTO! Your very own Build-A-Bear. Babies are cute when they don’t look like babies.
Mission: Mother’s Day Impossible
Another crisis averted thanks to your Halloween Harlot.
Disclaimer: This article is for satirical purposes only. We do not recommend leaving your baby alone on a doorstep. That may constitute neglect. We also do not recommend watering your flower baby as it may cause accidental drowning.